Chapter V

Jess: Next section. What habits get you angry? I believe that small actions end up being more annoying than bigger flaws. What can’t you bear?

Chan: The food. It was one of the main reasons why I broke up with Kristel. You know the way I eat, right?

Jess: Yes and I envy you. How can you eat like that without gaining weight? It is not fair to have such body without working on it as much as others do.

Chan: I know hahaha. My brother hates me because of that.

Jess: I know hahaha. He told me “I don’t like to go out with him for a dinner because Chan eats and I gain weight. Looks like I gain weight even by breathing”. Hahahaha.

Chan: Hahahaha well that happened to Kristel. She always complained because I wanted to visit restaurants, but she never wanted to eat. It was a great problem. I was like “Let’s go eat at that place” and she was like “At this hour? It is too late to eat”… And I was like “But I am hungry” and she said “Well, you shouldn’t”. Do you know what is really annoying? Once she invited me to her house, to have a dinner. It was a special day. Her mother and her sister were there. Imagine this. I sat down at the table. Her mother served me a very delicious dish. But you know the tradition right? In the middle of the table people put a big amount of tortillas, but they didn’t. She only put 2 tortillas beside my plate that got immediately cold. I don’t eat 2 tortillas. I eat ½ kilo easily. I didn’t notice it. I was just annoyed because they were cold. I ate them and then I looked for more and there were no more. Beside me was her sister. She wasn’t eating at all. I asked “Will you eat those tortillas?” and she said no. So I ate them. Then I asked the same to Kris and she said no and I ate her tortillas too. I finished the dish but it was too small and I was still hungry. It was only a mini-bowl of soup and two pieces of celery with tuna, 2 tortillas and nothing else. You know that part of the etiquette says that the host must ask you if you want another portion…. But they didn’t ask me. At some moment I said in a low voice to Kristel “I am still hungry” and she just said: “Well, you shouldn’t be”. And she didn’t give me more food!!! I went to the kitchen looking for something to eat, but there wasn’t food. Everything was perfectly clean. I searched for something like snacks but I couldn’t find anything.

Jess: Wasn’t it too risky? Imagine that she finds you eating at her kitchen. Hahahahaha.

Chan: The kitchen was completely empty!!!  At that moment I would eat a raw carrot or something.

Jess: How is it possible? I always keep food for a month on my kitchen. Imagine that someday I wake up feeling sick and I don’t want to cook, or I am too busy… I have enough food to survive without going to the store or cooking too much. I have cookies, snacks, bread, microwave food, frozen food, etc… Besides the normal, fresh food I always cook. Hahaha you haven’t seen the size of my fridge hahaha.

Chan: You can find more food under my bed than in her kitchen. Hahaha. More than once I had to eat secretly so she wouldn’t scold me. It made me feel ashamed and angry at the same time. How did I reach that point? I had to lie about eating snacks.

Jess: I know, my boss was like that. She didn’t mind about spending huge amounts of money in jewelry or sunglasses, but she complained for buying food. In my opinion there are 3 things where you should never economize: 1.- good food, 2.- a good bed, 3.- and having a safe roof over your head. After that, you can be as stingy as you want on everything else.

Chan: Well the lack of food is worse in a house where there is no lack of money. She had schedules about everything. She used to tell me when I had permission to eat and when I couldn’t. It was the same with everything. She always told me that I have to lose weight. She told me that we needed to make a training plan. I agreed.

Jess: Ewww… not the “You have to lose weight. You have to exercise. You have to be on a diet” thing… I hate that…

Chan: It would start with running every morning. But I didn’t expect her to do it even before the sunrise.

Jess: Ouch.

Chan: I told her “Why should it be so early? We can do it later, in the afternoon or at night, but not so early”. She said it has to be before the sunrise. But you know that the most precious thing for me, after food is my sleep time. You can’t take that away from me. I love to sleep. I enjoy sleeping. I don’t mind about doing exercise, but not so early in the morning. I tried to change her mind so I told her “I like to play soccer. We can play soccer and it is the same as running”.  But she said no.

Jess: Awww soccer is much better. At least it is fun. Exercise is boring. What’s the problem with playing soccer? I used to have a boyfriend and our dates were playing soccer together. It was really fun.

Chan: But it wasn’t right for her schedules. It caused several quarrels between us.

Jess: I understand you. I used to have a boyfriend who was very relaxed and fun. He used to say things like “Our house will have a huge fridge, full of ice cream”. And then I broke up with him, I have another boyfriend and he was a little Hitler with his nazi system. He scolded me for everything. He as like “I don’t like the music you listen. You will not listen to it anymore. I don’t like the way you dress, you have to change it. I don’t like that you are too playful. You are not a little girl to make jokes all the time. You have to immediately change that. No more jokes, No more giggles, no more losing your composure. Once we are together you won’t eat your food anymore. I don’t like it. It is not healthy. I will take you with my mother and she will teach you to cook the way I like. I expect you to learn it properly. You won’t eat that unhealthy food again”.

Chan: Uhhhhhhh saying bad things about Mexican food…. Hahahaha.

Jess: He even scolded me for laughing so much. And then there were the religious requirements… and he was talking about all the things he wanted to change and how he already had a plan for it. So I felt he didn’t like me. He wanted something else that wasn’t me and he was trying to put me into a mold that wouldn’t fit with me. It was so annoying. I always say “I am like this, take it or leave me alone”. He should look for someone who fits better with his standards. At first I thought he wanted to make me a better person and I tried to do it. I saw it as faceting a diamond but it wasn’t. Now I say “You don’t need that. You are already a finished diamond. Don’t allow others to look down on you”. At the end of the relationship I was so tired. A controlling man is not nice. It makes you feel like nothing is enough, like you are not enough. And they are so busy working hard on it that they don’t notice their own flaws and mistakes.

Chan: That was exactly the problem. I never felt it like a way to become a better person. I felt she wanted to punish me for something but then I realized that she treated herself in the same way. I arrive to the conclusion that she doesn’t love herself. People who do that are punishing themselves instead of loving. Waking up so early without the need to do it is a way of hurting yourself. Not allowing yourself to enjoy a snack is hurting yourself. She thought it was right and she did the same to me… but if she can’t love herself, how would she love me? How can she take care of me? I love myself and I say “I won’t force me to do this” or I say “I worked very hard the whole day, now I will enjoy sleeping until late tomorrow”. “I do this sacrifice but I reward myself with this other thing”.

Jess: Ok I totally agree with you on these points. We are on the right road until now…



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