Manipulation

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Let’s keep going on with the topic of psychopaths.

If you want to see the last post about this topic you can go to this link:

“Analyzing facial features”

Lately I’ve thinking about how far a person can go and how many people this person can involve just to achieve a personal goal. Many people believe that “the ends justify the means”, like Machiavelli said. And there is no need to be “crazy” or a serial killer… Not all psychopaths kill people. Being a sociopath or a psychopath can be just a person with a lack of moral responsibility, who doesn’t think about others and only thinks about their own benefits and sees people around them as “tools” or “obstacles” and they feel no guilt or remorse for their actions (and how they affect other people). In their minds, everything is justified. Also we will meet narcissistic people, who just don’t care about others and are only worried about their own, immediate benefits. In their mind, they deserve everything, they don’t think if things would be fair or not, they just demand it.

If we see things that way, we can find many people behaving like that around us.

Actually a study says that we will meet 4 psychopaths, serial killers and rapists throughout life. So, we shouldn’t be much surprised when we find one, and we should expect to find another one.

The main characteristic of psychopaths is that they will work to not look as a psychopath. They will hide their personality, they will hide their real goals, they will hide how they look down on others and they will hide everything they have done before.

Once, somebody told me: “The real leaders of mafias, the real drug lords, serial killers and pedophiles are not those quarrelsome men with a sour face who go around fighting and bullying. A drug lord can be an exemplary husband and father. A serial killer may be a scared, bullied nerd, and a pedophile will look as the most trustworthy person with high values and morals. Do not trust on the appearance, because we all hide our worst side. Everybody is playing a role”.

The problem is that we all need support and somebody to trust. It means that we give “power” to this person, over us, to somehow control us, to have dangerous information about us, and if we chose the wrong person to trust, we may end up in a very bad situation.

We can find situations of manipulation everywhere, and sometimes real life is more amazing than fiction. At some point my brain made a connection of situations I’ve seen, in books, in movies, in real life… And I would like to analyze them one by one.

Let’s start with “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

The conflict of the story starts when Lord Henry tells Dorian that life is only worthy if we just look for pleasure. He manipulates Dorian. Lord Henry tells Dorian that pleasure and beauty is the most important thing in life until he turns Dorian into a hedonistic man. Dorian believes everything and absorbs that information like a sponge. Dorian is in love with his girlfriend, is very happy and loyal to her, but Lord Henry tells him that marriage is a nightmare, the end of the fun, that children ruin everything, that he shouldn’t be loyal, etc. Dorian changes his behavior and his relationship gets ruined. He doesn’t want to get married and have children, but actually Lord Henry is married and has children, loves his family and enjoys it. Dorian gets into all kind of troubles, losing the people he loved and feeling so empty and lost. Meanwhile Lord Henry keeps his job, his house, his wife, is family and has a stable, happy life. Lord Henry never does everything he preached.

It is like the drug dealer who sells but doesn’t use the drugs.

That story sounds very similar to Caligula’s biography. Caligula is a young man who arrives to Tiberio’s home, the Roman Emperor and a very sick person. He grows up with a distorted vision of reality, thinking that all the horrible things happening in that house are fine.

In situations like this people lose the basic limits, and they just keep falling down in a spiral, without noticing it.

Caligula believed that he could do anything he wanted to, because Tiberio told him so. Tiberio told him that he deserved everything, that he had all the power and that everybody was there just to serve him. So, Caligula grew up seeing others as furniture. Caligula believed everything because he was very young, alone, far away from his family, being educated (and manipulated) by Tiberio.

Without a family to support him, to teach him values and to give him love, Caligula was molded by Tiberio’s desires, an experiment.

Once Caligula became emperor, he used the power and money to fulfill his own goals and completely forgot about his duties as governor. In his mind, he had the right to do everything he did, because Tiberio told him so. He didn’t even notice how the Roman Empire turned into a mess and how everybody were hating on him and planning to get rid of him. He just kept going on, without realizing how much hate he was creating around him. He was so manipulated by Tiberio, that Caligula didn’t understand that his behavior would bring him so many troubles and he kept going on until everybody wanted him dead.

How can a person not notice how much people hate him? How would a person think that they have the right to keep going on abusing from others?

Talking into getting into many troubles… Once I saw a movie about a very religious girl. The girl and her boyfriend were part of a group “to protect the values and purity of the youth” or something like that. So she was taught to be extremely submissive, to take care of her image, her reputation. It was a group of young men and women who promised to be virgin until marriage. She really believed about it and worked so hard in the group that she won a scholarship to go to the university.

Everything in her life depends on that scholarship. Otherwise she had no hopes of going to school and getting out of her parent’s house in a poor small town without any future.

Once she arrives to the university she finds out that everybody around her have sex and do drugs and make fun of her for being virgin. She has a roommate who’s famous for getting into troubles. Everybody who shares room with that girl, gets into troubles too.

She is pushed by the other students to go to the university’s party and they get her drunk. As a person who never drinks, when she did she got really crazy. A group of men who film porn videos go to the party and film her dancing half-naked.

Then she realizes that once the porn video comes out, the religious organization will know it and she will lose her scholarship, her boyfriend and her parents will hate her. At that moment she gets angry to herself and to everybody because she realized how she was manipulated to do something really stupid, even knowing that she may lose her scholarship, her career and therefore her future. She feels so bad because she feels she ruined her future in a single drunk night. She feels so manipulated by her roommate and the guys at the university.

On the way of the movie she realizes that people in the organization didn’t believe in what they preached. She finds out that while she was waiting to have sex until they get married; her boyfriend was cheating on her at the first opportunity. At the end she realizes that everybody does whatever they want but her, because she keeps obeying what others tell her to do. And it leads her to a stage of “I hate everything and everybody”. A mental breakdown.

….

The next movie was a very good movie that explains very clearly why would a person have a mental breakdown and throw everything away in a moment of anger. It is a movie from Chile, that was released just this year. The name is “Sin filtro” (Without filters).

The movie is about a 37 years old woman who living in the capital city. She lives under so much stress. Basically it is because her personality is very soft and she is very submissive. She has no assertiveness and it means that people don’t listen to her, and everybody leaves their responsibilities to her.

Her husband is a “painter” but he hasn’t done a single paint in years. He is at home all day, but he doesn’t help at home. She leaves money to her husband, so he can buy food and pay the bills, but he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, he sleeps the whole day and once she comes back, tired, from her job, he is grumpy or indifferent to her. They live with the painter’s son. He is a druggie who only creates problems at home and never listens to her.

Nobody helps her. When her friend has problems, she does everything to help her friend, she doesn’t care about anything else than helping her friend, but when she gets into problems, her friend just says “I am busy.” Her friend doesn’t listen to her and does nothing to help her to get out of the problems. She is used by her best friend because her best friend doesn’t care.

At her job, her new boss is a young man who doesn’t know how to take care if the business and leaves everything to her. Nobody listens to her and due to her age, her boss thinks that she should be replaced by younger workers…. But her boss needs her, so she won’t get fired. She gets “demoted”.

After so much time under stress she developed a pain in her chest. With the bad news at her job, the pain gets worse. She is already taking many pills to control the pain but nothing works. Everybody knows about that pain, but nobody does anything to help her. They don’t even care.

She finds a weird “Chinese doctor” with alternative medicine that doesn’t look very trustworthy, but she decides to try it. The doctor tells her that the pain is caused by everything she is keeping on her heart and she needs to release all that anger and frustration. She has bearing other’s irresponsibility for too long and she has been facing the effects of other’s actions.

She doesn’t seem to believe him but when she gets out of the “treatment”, she decided she is tired of everything and wants others to listen to her demands for the first time in her life….

But her reaction is more like a mental breakdown than just asking for a respectful treatment.

When a person bears everything, without complaining, and doesn’t feel other’s gratitude, soon or later, all the love will turn into hate and a desire of hurting others. People around her tried to ask for forgiveness, to say “I will change”, but it was too late. She was too tired.

The greater the love, the greater the hate, the more violent the reaction. A person in that situation will do anything to hurt others, without thinking about long term effects, or her own welfare. It is not a rational reaction; it is a passionate, emotional reaction where the only goal is to hurt others the same way she was hurt and it is only because she let the other people to use her for too long.

The problem is that she let everything to go too far. Instead of saying when something small bothered her, she just kept quiet and the other person did something worse, and kept quiet, and the other person did something worse that really hurt her.

I know I always make fun about people who complain all the time, but there must be a balance between complaining and bearing. Sometimes small actions may hurt more than big mistakes, and it can be prevented, but if we bear a little annoying action, and then another one, and then something bigger… things will end up in a huge problem.

This is what happened to her. She wasn’t assertive. I know psychologists are always bothering about it “Be assertive, be assertive” but we shouldn’t underestimate the importance of having or lacking assertiveness. She was too weak when asking her husband to help her, he didn’t listen to her, he didn’t help, then she asked again, but in a very weak way, he didn’t listen. Then when she endured it until she got tired, she yelled at him and kicked him out of the house in a very ugly way. She needed to yell because he never paid attention to her talking.

She didn’t want to complain, she was decided to bear everything in exchange of a little bit of love, she didn’t ask for much, but she received nothing, that’s why she exploded.

It is a difference between a person who is being manipulated, but happy and a person who gets tired and decides to start a rebellion.

Let’s talk about a different situation. This is a real life situation where the “leader” didn’t lose the control over others and could take her plan to the very end. She could use her minions who obeyed her as a little army on every battle she wanted to fight for her own selfish benefits.

The next movie is called “El pacto”, (In English is “The pact” but I think it leads to a different movie). It is a movie from Spain, based on a real life story from Massachusetts, U.S.A.

I watched the Spanish movie, so I will talk about that version. The story is based on the even from Massachusetts, but it depicts very clearly the actions and reactions of girls and how the lack of love makes the girls vulnerable to a manipulative person.

It is called “the pact” because a group of teenage girls (16 and 17 years old) from the same private school decide to get pregnant at the same time. And you would really wonder “Why would a bunch of girls want to get into such problem on purpose? There is no logic about it”. But that’s what manipulation is for, to force people do things that they would never do in a different situation, using coercion or blackmail.

The movie talks about 7 girls, but in real life there were like 17 girls pregnant.

Every group has a leader. In this case is “Rebecca”. She is a very smart girl with a strong personality, who knows how to manipulate others. She is like the “Queen bee” of the classroom, but nobody notices it, because she doesn’t say it. This is her main point as leader. She is not dictatorial, she says “I am your friend, I will be there for you, to help you. Fight with me on this and later I will help you if you have a problem”. And those are very strong words for a bunch of teenage girls with lots of problems at home. Most of them are rich girls, with indifferent parents, growing up with a huge lack of affection and attention. Of course, they will create emotional dependency on a person who tells them what they want to hear.

Rebecca is living with her father and his young new wife, plus her 2 little sisters. Obviously she is daddy’s favorite, but once her stepmother gets pregnant, the baby gets the father’s attention. Rebecca gets jealous about it and develops a real hate towards her stepmother.

At the school there are other girls who are all friends.

One of them is Maria. She has a fisherman boyfriend (Fran).  Her parents are divorced and have lots of fights for money. The mother has a drug problem, she is all the time under the effect of pills and it leads to a broken relationship with her daughter and her ex-husband.

Ana is Maria’s best friend. Her boyfriend is Fran’s brother. Despite he is poor, her rich family has no problems about it, because he is a very nice boy. They are so in love, so happy. The 4 of them are so happy together. She likes sports and plans to have a career as a cyclist. She has a good relationship with her father until her father doesn’t allow her to take a very important test to become a professional cyclist. It breaks down the relationship with her father.

Vivi is known as “the rebellious girl”, she has piercings and smokes. She has a very bad relationship with her parents. She really hates them and likes to get them angry.

Carol is an adopted girl. She thinks that her parents feel pity for her and it is bothering. She is not very pretty, doesn’t have a great personality, is bullied by the boys at the school and wants to do something exciting in her life.

In the friend group there are also Bea and Merche.

In the same classroom is Tina, the principal’s daughter. She is not friend with the girls, she is friend with the boys. It means that she doesn’t get into the pact. She knows that they are making a mistake but her relationship with her father is not good enough to talk about it.

This is a spoiler. I will start with the end of the movie.

Maria gets pregnant by accident. She tells her mother who doesn’t have a very good reaction. She tells her boyfriend and he has a bad reaction. He calls her “slut” and says that he is not the father and he won’t do anything to help her. She gets so depressed. She stays in her bedroom and doesn’t go to school for 2 weeks. The school calls her parents and they have to talk about the pregnancy with the school’s Principal. She has always been a very good student. The principal tells them that a pregnant girl would be a very bad image for a private school and says that Maria must change school before anybody notices the pregnancy. The principal tells them to keep it as a secret.

The parents decide to move to another city because they feel ashamed of the girl’s pregnancy. But she doesn’t want to move to another city and leave her friends. She tells her friends and they get really angry.

Rebecca, as the leader, comforts her and promises to do anything to stop the situation. She goes with her stepmother, who is a journalist, to complain about it, wanting to say that it was a case of discrimination, but her stepmother doesn’t pay attention.

Once at home, Rebecca tries to talk again with her parents, but they are too busy talking about the new baby being a boy. The father always wanted a boy and it would mean a new “favorite”. Rebecca feels left out and makes a plan.

Rebecca proposes the other girls to get pregnant, all at the same time. If she gets pregnant, she will get more attention from her father. If they get pregnant, the principal can’t throw all of them out of the school.

She tells every girl what they want to hear. If the girl feels unloved by her parents, Rebecca says “You will have somebody who will truly love you”. If another girl is afraid of the future, Rebecca says “We will raise our children together, helping each other”. She goes to the “rebellious girl” and says “Imagine the face of your parents when you tell them you are pregnant. They will be shocked!”.

They have a young and handsome teacher and Rebecca tries to seduce him, but he stops her saying that he has been already into a sex scandal due to a girl who lied and accused him of sexual harassment. With this information, from now on, the girls will blackmail him saying “I will say that you are the father”. As I said before, you can find 2 psychopaths in your life.

One by one, girls start planning how to get pregnant. They go to a party where they can find older men. Bea finds a public notary/broker much older than her. They have sex and she gets pregnant.

Rebecca is very possessive and feels jealous about Ana’s relationship. Rebecca wants them to break up so she manipulates Ana to get pregnant from another boy. When Ana’s boyfriend knows it, he gets very angry and breaks up with her… but they really love each other. They miss each other and come back, but Rebecca keeps telling Ana to break up. She creates problems and makes them to break up again. Rebecca does the same thing with all the girls. One by one, they break up with their boyfriends. She keeps telling them to stay away from boys, from their parents, and even from each other. She says “If you have a problem, if you feel alone, if you need anything, come with me, talk to me, nobody else, only me. We are together in this fight and we will be together until the very end, we will not abandon each other, we have to stay together. If we fight together, we will win this and any other battle. If we fight together, we will get what we deserve”.

The girls believe so much in Rebecca that Bea says “If my baby is a girl, I will name her Rebecca, because she is my best friend, and I love her and she loves me”. She really admires Rebecca, of course, she is the “Queen Bee”, everybody wants to be like her, they try to imitate her, to look like her, to behave like her, to move their hands like her, to dress like her, to get the same hairstyle… And that’s how Rebecca can measure the power she has over the other girls, how much they will listen to her commands. That’s why Bea keeps going on even if she is the most affected by the situation. She doesn’t measure risks, she just obeys Rebecca.

When the girls start doubting, Rebecca tells them that they are fine, that they will get good results, that they are doing it because of friendship, that they are together to support each other, because parents don’t love them and don’t care about them. Rebecca tells them that must look happy, she shouldn’t get weak, and their main strength is to look happy in front of others. Rebecca hugs the girls and gives them all the love and support that they don’t receive at home, that why they keep following her.

Rebecca wants them to break up with the guys, so she can be the only love the girls receive, so they will be more dependant. She tells them “Friendship is stronger than love. Boys only cause troubles, but friendship is forever. Don’t go look for your baby’s father, you won’t need him, you have me”.

Of course boys get angry on them. If they are the parents, they feel used and they are gotten into problems because of Rebecca. If they are not the parents, they feel left out.

Everybody, especially the parents were curious about the reason of the pact. Nobody knew about the talk between the Principal and Maria’s parents. Nobody could understand who had the idea of making the pact.

Ana’s parents call her boyfriend to fix a wedding, but he says that she doesn’t want to know about him, that she cheated on him and the father is somebody else. The parents have a very good relationship with the boyfriend, so they listen to him.

Ana’s father is very close to her, so he starts investigating the teacher, doubting that he would have abused the girls. He also calls Ana’s boyfriend and tells him: “If you love her, fight for her. You can do it. Talk to her, she will talk to you. You are the only one who can clear this out. They won’t talk to parents, but Ana will talk to you. She loves you”.

Rebecca blackmails the teacher and the first step is to cover her notebook with his pictures and tell everybody that she is so much in love with him, the same as the other girls. People think that the father is the teacher.

Once Rebecca gets pregnant, she gets much more attention from her father. She is happy because of that.

Girls start asking how the parents reacted when knowing about getting pregnant. Carol says “My parents feel pity for me because I am adopted. They didn’t even get angry. They never scold me for anything. They said they will support me at anything”. Then the other girls feel much more relaxed about telling their parents… but Bea’s parents didn’t react so well. Her mother kicks her out of the house.

Despite she gets into so many troubles because of Rebecca, Bea never gets angry, she keeps admiring her. She calls Rebecca, and asks for help. Rebecca receives Bea in her house and tells her stepmother that she will stay at home just for one night. The father is not there and the stepmother has no authority over Rebecca, so Bea stays there for a couple of days.

Then Bea goes to visit the broker. He doesn’t want to see her, as she was just one night stand, but Bea blackmails him saying that she is pregnant and underage, and has no place to go. He gets so afraid and takes her home. He is in a serious relationship with another woman and is very afraid that Bea would ruin that relationship. A couple of days later he kicks Bea out of the house, because his girlfriend will visit him.

Anyway Bea manages to visit him once his girlfriend arrives and make them to break up as a revenge for being a cheater with her. He gets really angry, but can’t do anything, because she is blackmailing him.

Rebecca tells them to post a video on youtube. In the video, all the girls talk about how much they hate on their parents, how bad they feel at home and say things to embarrass their families… but no Rebecca. She says she loves her father. So all the parents get angry, but Rebecca’s father is not angry.

Rebecca’s stepmother tries to talk with the father and explain how Rebecca was the mastermind, but the father doesn’t listen and gets angry with his wife. They start having so many problems. Rebecca notices it and is very happy, expecting a break up.

At some point all the girls doubt about what they have done. They feel sick, they have troubles with their families, and all of them broke up with their boyfriends… Ana realizes that her career as cyclist is ruined even before starting. Vivi has a high-risk pregnancy that causes her lots of pain. Bea has no home. They could fix nothing. Journalists knew about the situation and they are showing up in the diaries and tv news. Everybody is angry at them.

People point their fingers at them calling them crazy. People can’t believe they did such stupid pact. People tell them again and again that they ruined their lives.

People use to tell them:  Didn’t you think that you would get into huge problems? Did you think that people won’t notice what you did? Did you think that your boyfriends would be happy with your behavior? Did you think about your future? Nobody said “Hey stop Rebecca, she is talking non-sense”?

From now on they are known as “The crazy stupid girls”.

Nobody else knows who the mastermind is, and Rebecca tells them to not say who had the idea of the pact, as a protection for herself. Because of that the teacher gets into several problems, because people think he abused of the girls. He is even attacked by other parents and loses his job.

The few people who know that it was Rebecca’s idea tell her: “You ruined many lives, and keep going on. You should be ashamed” but she never showed a little bit of remorse.

Girls are getting weaker, doubting if they did wrong. Girls gather to make a new plan because things are not working well, as they expected. Rebecca tells them to run away from home, all together, so their parents will really feel bad and repent. Bea doesn’t have where to go, so she agrees to run away. Bea says that she will follow Rebecca until the end. Rebecca rewards her with hugs and calling her “best friend”. Then the other girls accept and plan to escape together.

One night before running away, Rebecca is at home, with Bea. They are alone with the stepmother and the little sisters, the father is not home. Rebecca has a risk of miscarriage and her stepmother takes her to the hospital.

In the hospital, the stepmother takes care of Rebecca with so much love and is worried about saving the baby. Rebecca is very surprised, thinking that her stepmother would be happy if Rebecca loses the baby. After that Rebecca’s attitude changes towards her stepmother and repents from running away from home.

Rebecca’s stepmother called Bea’s mother and says that they left Bea alone at home with the little girls. Bea’s mother arrives and starts talking with her daughter. In that talk they fix many misunderstandings and Bea goes back home with her mother.

Ana goes to visit her boyfriend, to say a good-bye before leaving the town, but in that time they comeback and he says he would adopt the baby, that he doesn’t care if he is not the father. So she doesn’t run away.

Once Rebecca is fine at home, she doesn’t want to run away and forgets about the other girls. Rebecca doesn’t need the other girls anymore. The rest of the girls arrive to the meeting point, but without a leader they don’t know what to do. Some of them leave, some of them stay. The group dispersed.

Rebecca can now have a nice talk with her stepmother; she talks about the pact and about how the Principal wanted to kick Maria out for being pregnant. So her stepmother makes a whole investigation about it and they make everything clear. The Principal is fired for discrimination and the teacher gets his job back.

At the end, we can see the girls with their babies, facing the reality of being mothers, having all those responsibilities, unfulfilled dreams… and trying to get used to that new life.

Rebecca, despite all the changes in her life, she is happy because she gets all the attention from her father and even from her stepmother, because they have a better relationship now. Now that she fulfilled her personal goal she forgets about all the other girls.

And we would think “This can’t be real. How would so many girls be manipulated to do such thing that obviously would get them into so many troubles? Why would people do something that will obviously ruin their lives? How can people follow others to that extent?”.

Especially because we are talking lives… the future of the girls and the future of the babies… Don’t people think about the future? But things like that happen all the time. People follow what others do.

Once, I met a girl who had a very bad situation at home. Her parents were very aggressive, the relationship was completely broken. She hated that place. She tried to work, but she wasn’t very good at it. Even if she gets a good job, she would never have the same economic level she had at home. She found a boyfriend with a very good job. She told him all the troubles she had at home. He really loved her and felt very hurt, he wanted to help her, so he proposed marriage to her.

They got married very fast and moved to his mother’s house. She was fine. He worked so much, her mother-in-law cleaned the house and cooked and she did nothing at home. She could even go out to parties and with friends. Her parents changed a lot, because “You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone”. When she visited them, they were always happy with her and treated her fine. When she had a baby, her parents were so happy, the same as her husband. Her mother-in-law took care of the baby and she had a very comfortable life.

She had a younger sister. She also felt very uncomfortable at home. She graduated from university and realized that it was too hard to find and have a job. She thought her sister had a very comfortable life and wanted to do the same…. But her boyfriend didn’t propose her marriage. Suddenly she said she was pregnant and they got married. The problem is that her boyfriend didn’t have a good job or a supportive mother. So she ended up working the same or more than she was working before, with a baby. After getting married she was talking to her older sister about how hard marriage is, and her sister told her about all the problems with her husband. Then the younger sister realized that her sister’s life wasn’t as comfortable as she thought.

Girls do things like that more often than we thought and the worst fact is that boys can’t do anything to stop it. I know I say all the time that boys always leave the responsibility of birth control to the girls, but if the girl wants to get pregnant, she will do it. There was even the case of a girl who kept used condoms at a fridge trying to get artificial insemination to force a guy to marry her.

(By the way, once I made a post about birth control methods for me. It is in Spanish, sorry i haven’t translated it yet. But if you want to rea dit, you can find it ===> Here )

)You know that most of my friends are men, so I tend to see everything from men’s viewpoint, and after long friendships I could see all the troubles they face. Being a man is not easier that being a woman.

I had a friend who had a girlfriend. They were so happy, everything was perfect. He wanted to marry her… but his mother created too many troubles between them, until they broke up. He was very sad and despite he got angry towards his mother, he always said it was because she loved him so much and was over protective with him.

Then he had another girlfriend. He loved her so much too. She was from a different religion to his family. His mother got crazy about it. It was so funny to see this atheist boy going to her church and learning very diligently.

But again, his mother created a chaos until they broke up. She used all the manipulations a mother can use. “I am sick, you have to take care of me the same way I took care of you”, “I did everything to get you the best schools and now you are thinking about getting married”, “You are too young to have a girlfriend” (he was 26 years old). “If you keep going on, we will take away your computer and your car, the money”. Etc…

When they broke up, he got really angry at her. Like I said before, love turned into hate. He told me things like: “My mom sees me as an investment. She pays 5 years of university and now I have to live with her for the rest of my life and give her all my money. Of course it was a great investment! But she never asks anything to my brother. She expects that I will live with her forever, so she will destroy every relationship I have. You know what? It is very hard to get a good girl, and I worked so hard to get this one. If she will keep destroying everything, I will not work on finding a good girl. I will date any easy girl. She said that my ex was bad for me, but she wasn’t. Now I will show her what a bad girl is”.

Then he was dating one girl and another…. until he met a new girl. She was much younger, from a very severe religion. It was pretty obvious on her clothes. She didn’t even wears pants, only long skirts. I am talking about that extreme.

He used to talk about how innocent and pure she was and how much he loved her even if his mother didn’t like her. He really wanted to get married. His father noticed the problem and helped him to get a house so he would get married. He wanted to have the house ready before proposing to her.

While getting the house ready, he found out that she was cheating on him. She had a boyfriend at school, a boyfriend at her job, a neighbor-boyfriend. And he realized she wasn’t as pure and innocent as he thought.

He got really angry and I thought he would break up with her, but he didn’t. One day he told me: “She is from a poor small town. She only wanted to marry someone who would bring her to the city. She wants a better life for her mother and her little brothers. She was just looking for that guy, but once she gets married and a stable life, everything would change”.

Of course, as friends, is hard to understand when your friend decides to go back with the girl who cheated on him, but it is his life and his decision and we shouldn’t get into that.

Despite he said he forgave her, he kept some grudges on his heart. He started cheating on her too. Before that incident he was a very sweet, shy guy, who would never cheat on a girlfriend, but then he started drinking and going out to clubs to pick up girls.

Before he talked about her with so much love, and now he used to say “She is with me just because of my money I know it. She doesn’t like to go out with me, she likes to go out in my car, but it makes my mother to get really angry, for me it is a good deal”.

He changed a lot. Even I went away from him. I didn’t like his new personality. I didn’t know about him for months.

Time later I heard he was married, but with somebody else, an older woman, who used to be his boss. She was the opposite of his girlfriend. She was a strong, independent woman, around 30 years old. Somebody told him that she would be a great opportunity, a relationship or affair without any commitment and the possibility of being promoted… but actually it was a woman wanting to get married and have children, and feeling old. So she got pregnant as soon as she could. So he had to get married.

We are talking about a person who is not living the way he wanted because he let people to manipulate him. The person who told him “Just have an affair with your boss, don’t worry, nothing will happen” is now having a happy life, without any remorse.

Life is like that. People are like that. It is our duty, for self-protection, to be careful about what others tell us to do. We should ask ourselves “Why is this person telling me that? Is this person really interested in helping me? How will my actions help or affect to this person? Why would they want me to do this?”.

Just listen to Taemin.
trust

 

 

 

 

 

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