My mom is not nice

My whole life friends and people about my age tell me “Your mom is so cool!! I wish I was her son!”. Well that happens because they only know the nice side of her personality, but every story has at least 2 versions. This is the dark side of my mom’s personality… So you will think twice before saying again “I wish I was her son/daughter”.

My mom is not a nice person. She is not kind. She is not considerate towards other people. She is a hyperactive child, who focuses her attention wrongly. She is the main reason why I hyperventilate every time I think about having children. (This is not a joke, I do hyperventilate).

Please consider that she is now a grown up. She is not a child or a teenager, she is supposed to be a mature, formal woman… but she is not!

She never tells her real age because of 2 main reasons:

1.- She doesn’t even know. Yes, she doesn’t even know. She got so lost in time than she has no idea of her age… and my age. *whispers* Sometimes she adds me years and sometimes she says less than my real age.

2.- She doesn’t look like women at her age. Well, behaving like a teenager and being surrounded of teenagers is a great anti-aging treatment.

She has no wrinkles, no grey hair, no that “angry face” that most moms have. So she looks much younger and people don’t believe when she says her real age. But she is a rebellious soul that does exactly the opposite as everybody. Women always lower their age… my mom increases it. She says “I prefer people to think that I am an older woman with a good appearance than a younger woman who looks old”. So she says she is 60+ years old, but she is not. Also she goes to internet saying she is an elder woman who can take advantages of “senile dementia”. There is always a good opportunity to say “Ooops! Sorry! Please understand. I am old”.

People always say that I do mischiefs and jokes… but I am an angel compared to her. She is 10x worse than me. I have limits and I say “I can play with this matter, but not with this other matter”. My mom knows no limits. I would say that it was my grandmother’s fault but actually everything started even before that. It is something related to women in my family. That’s why I am still questioning if I am brave enough to have children… I am aware of my own genes.

My great-grandmother (my mom’s grandmother) lived around the year 1900. Please focus on the environment: She was a woman in a small town of the Mexican province… In that time, that woman decided that she didn’t want to get married and bear with all the trouble that means having a man in your life. In that time Mexican husbands were commonly drunken, wife-beaters, peasants in extreme poverty because of the constant wars and the bad governments. Also she thought that it was better to have only one child instead of the 15 and 20 children women used to have in that time. (Yes, Mexicans are quite fertile).

My great-grandmother didn’t get married. Time after, she had a daughter and many years after, she found a nice man who wasn’t a wife-beater and didn’t drink alcohol (in that time!). Then she decided to live with that man. He had a very good job so they had a good life.

My grandmother decided to follow the same steps. She got married and only had 2 children. He was a good husband with no vices, a nice job and a nice house. He was older than my grandmother. One of the children died at a very young age and the other one went to study to other place and then got married. At the start the husband was very nice, but after some time there were troubles and my grandmother said “It doesn’t worth it”. Then she divorced, in a time where women were afraid of getting divorced.

Women in my family have had beauty salons since ever. (I grew up in a beauty salon too. I went to kindergarten with dyed hair and nail polish, by the time I was in high school I was so bored about that that, when all the girls were crazy about makeup). So my grandmother put her own salon. She was very successful, she was great at business. Soon she had employees working on the salon. She found a man (my grandfather). She said she immediately fell in love with him.

So we have a successful pretty woman, who needs no man, with a very stable life. My grandfather was a young handsome rocker, with long, curly, blond hair, leather jackets, a motorcycle and a huge knowledge about the universe, the pyramids, astral travels and exploring the hidden areas of the human mind. It was around the year 1960(?)

People were shocked because he was much younger than her. People was like “She is a business woman, why is she on the motorcycle the whole day with that guy?”. Everybody thought it would be just a moment of craziness.

They got married and lived together for years. They moved to my grandfather’s city, in the other side of the country. People told my grandmother “Aren’t you afraid of moving so far away from your mom, moving to an unknown place, and abandon your business?” she just laughed at it. Would she cut off her wings just because she is afraid of flying? They had only 2 children. That crazy rocker man made some experiments when my mom was a child to “increase the mind’s power”. And now we see the effects. She has that hyperactive mind (wrongly focused).

People used to say “How can you see that man as father-material?” and my grandmother used to say “When you have a man with that beauty you just can’t avoid having a child with him. The point is to improve the race, not having uglier children every time. Every generation must be prettier. Let’s face reality… Life is much easier when you are pretty”. And it worked; they had pretty children and pretty grandchildren. Everybody in my family is pretty.

My grandmother had an excess of frankness. She said things like: “When choosing a boyfriend, you 2 have to be even at everything to avoid abuse. Look for someone who’s at the same level of beauty as you. No more, no less, you have to look even. Sometimes you see very pretty girls and they look like a chimp is hanging from their neck. Sometimes girls look for ugly, rich man, but it doesn’t have to be like that. You can also find rich and handsome men. Think about your children. You will always be pretty, but what will happen to your children? They will hate you forever! Every time you think about a man as your children’s future father, imagine a child who inherits the worst facts of the father, don’t think about the nice facts. Once you do that, you are ready to decide if you keep going on or not.”

She used to say “Getting married? But how can you run away of them later? Marriage is a tool they use to chain you to them. Any woman on her right mind would be ready to scape at any moment. As soon as they misbehave, you run away. Run, run and don’t look back. If you already found out that the man is a jerk… stupid is the woman who stays for fear and weakness. You really have to be close-minded to not see another option than staying”.

My grandmother was so much in love with my grandfather but again, the relationship was nice at the start and then there were troubles. At the moment my grandfather misbehaved, she moved back to her city with her 2 children, despite loving him so much, but there is the main rule: Children are first. So for the sake of children she moved away. People used to tell her “Aren’t you afraid of traveling so far away alone with 2 children? Living alone? Starting again from nothing?”.

But she is great for business. Soon she had a beauty salon again. She talks about having employees and a babysitter in the salon. Her salon had a very good reputation and the richest women of the city went there. My mom grew up there, learning about everything around her. You know what does that mean, right?

Rich woman arrives:  My husband is cheating on me with a younger girl!! Do something fast. I need to grab his attention! Cut my hair! I need to change my look! I need to look younger and fresh!

Grandmother: Relax and don’t suffer because of him. Why do you keep bearing that? Look at me, I am alone and I live so peacefully. I am not worried about a man cheating on me.

Rich woman arrives: I have a party today. I wanted new shoes and my husband said those are too expensive. I have no new shoes for the new dress. I have those old shoes and now I need a pedicure.

Grandmother: That’s why I earn my own money. I spend it the way I want. I don’t have to ask for permission. Men get angry and reproach you all the money they spent on you… No, no, no. It’s my money I spend it the way I want.

And the feminazism was spread in the city like that, while my mom, as a little girl, was sitting beside her, listening and learning, absorbing all that knowledge as a sponge.

My grandmother used to say: “Men are selfish, self-serving. When they are young, handsome and rich, they want to have fun with women. Once they become old, sick and lose their money, they say that they want a mature relationship, love becomes important and they look for a good woman. Of course! They want a person who will take care of them for free.” So, despite she got several marriage proposals, she denied all of them. Her last proposal was around the age of 80 years old.

When my mother grew up, she kept working on the beauty salon and everything was fine too. She got into a religion that she loved so much. She really believed it and worked very hard on it. When my mom does something she will put the 100% of her efforts. She reached the highest levels of the religion and knew it to a very deep point. It is amazing the knowledge she has about the bible and that kind of things. You wouldn’t like to have a debate with her about the bible.

Once she was at the deepest point, being some kind of “priestess” for years (as much as a woman can do in a sexist religion), she found out all the dirty things behind the religion… the double standards, the scams with the money, the brainwash, the evil plans of manipulating innocent minds, the playing with people’s hopes and faith…. One by one, she saw the religion’s “authorities” around her to have a worse behavior than people outside of the religion. She was so disgusted that she left everything. After that, she became some kind of atheist. She says she is atheist. “Daddy” says that she is not atheist “she just believes in an extremely indulgent god and because of that she is an extremely indulgent mother”.

My mom says she left the religion with 3 good things: A completely new viewpoint with her eyes open, huge knowledge/tools that will be always helpful and my dad. She always says “Wherever you go, learn the good things and keep that always with you, and leave the bad things behind”. At that point she learned to take off her life everything that can be harmful. When she says “This is out of my life” she really does it. She doesn’t make half-hearted decisions. She doesn’t waste her time whining, complaining or reproaching. She just chooses what to keep, what to take off and keeps going on.

She can take a person out her life without making a drama out of it. At the same time, if a person gets into her life, they can be together forever and support each other in an amazing way. I mean, she may still have a good relationship with people who met her when she was a teenager.

So is basically like that: If she loves you, she will do everything for you and your good. If she doesn’t love you, she will not care about you at all. She doesn’t care about what people do or think about her, absolutely.

As an example, she goes to the store and there is an old woman, who has no life and only gossips about everybody. That woman starts making uncomfortable questions and my mom, will just look at her coldly and say: “Why do you want to know such things?”.

My mom says: “We all learn about good manners, but we have to know where to use them and where not. If I am in a game online, that is full of drunken teenagers, I won’t expect good manners from them, not even a rational behavior. You have to know where you are standing. Is like clothing etiquette. You won’t wear an elegant dress for a baseball play, right? Also it depends on the way people treat me, I won’t waste my good manners on people who don’t deserve it. The game is a place to relax from all the responsibilities of life. It is a scape. When I see grammarnazis on a game I feel that those people will require you to wear high heels to wash the dishes a Sunday in the morning. They will demand and demand and demand until you feel suffocated and run away and once you ran away they go the game to whine because they are alone. Military camps are even funnier. Freedom is the most important thing in life and I won’t cut it off because of the good manners or what will people think”.

When she talks about “not cutting off her freedom” it means that she has no limits. If there is something wrong, according to her viewpoint, she will take actions immediately. She doesn’t cry or complain, she just plans and executes. She doesn’t ask for help. If you want to go with her, you can do it, but her plans are specially made to not need help. She hates to ask for favors. Her rule #1 is “Do not owe favors”.

After knowing her my whole life, sometimes I know what she would do, but sometimes she keeps surprising me.

Once, there was a guy at the church, a missionary. He flirted at me, I said no and he was burnt. In that time I had a boyfriend who was from the same religion. They both were arch-enemies. I told my boyfriend: “Hey, there is that guy, who flirts at me. I told him I had a boyfriend and got angry, now he keeps bothering me. I tell you just in case he tries to make troubles between us”. Then my boyfriend talked to the religion’s authorities and the guy got banned from our house.

My mom used to call him “The mosquito” because he was like a mosquito buzzing around me without going away. When he knew he was banned from my house got angry even more. He started stalking me online. That guy was born in Canada, but from a Latin family, so he spoke broken Spanish. There was a specific word he misused and he had several misspellings. So, despite he was writing “anonymously” I knew it was him. He sent me messages saying things related to poop. Talking about how poop looks and people eating poop with cookies.

A couple of days later, he arrived to my house, despite being banned. He came with his companion (his accomplice) and one of the church’s authorities (who was his close friend). He even made some sarcastic comments about the ban not working. He was ready for my mom to start complaining about the stalking. We were in the living room when my mom just said “Excuse me, I’ll be back”.

She took 2 cans of mashed squash (pumpkin? The one used to make pie). She mixed it with condensed milk and plum jam. She put everything on a blender until it has the texture of poop. She served 2 giant cups of that mixture that looked really disgusting and a plate of cookies. Then she came back to the living room and said: “Oh elders, I have this super special Mexican dessert. It is very important for Mexicans. We offer it to special guests on special situations. Please, eat it and I expect you to finish it”.

Then she sat in front of the guy with a giant evil smile. It was so disgusting I couldn’t even watch. I feel nausea very easily. She kept saying “Please, keep eating. I have more in the kitchen. Do you want more? Tell me, how is the taste?”

And the guys said “No, no, no! We are fine, thank you. It is delicious!”.

Mom: “If you want more just ask me. I am glad you liked it. Every time you visit my house I will make more for you”.  And an evil smile.

The guy never came back to my house. He never talked to me again. It was a perfect solution.

When somebody bothered me at school, she never went whining to the teacher, she always said “You have to fix it by yourself. Learn to survive, because once you grow up there won’t be mommy or daddy or teacher to help you”. Of course she helped me or supported me, but she never took direct actions to the person bothering me.

We have that sense of justice… every time we see a person abusing of somebody else, we have to do something to stop it. She is my best accomplice for that. Sometimes I do it by myself, but it is much funnier to do it with her. Those are our mother-daughter activities to make bounds. An annoying person is always a good opportunity to have quality time together as a family.

She always supports me. That’s what I appreciate the most about her. I don’t have to ask for help. I just say “I want to do this, but I don’t know if I am crossing the line… is it too much?”. And instead of scolding me of stopping me she says: “It has to be done from a different city. Pack your wig and your sunglasses. We will travel tomorrow”. Hahaha. Well maybe not to that extent…

Once, we were at a cybercafé… you know… shopping online at a female’s friend store. We got out of the cyber and after turning the corner, the girl was walking on the same sidewalk with her friends. We almost hit each other. I was so shocked and didn’t know what to do. The girl’s sister talked to me friendly. The corner was a fruit store. Suddenly my mother came out and said “Daughter, what are you doing? I told you to grab some apples while I grab a bag of tomatoes. We still have so many things to buy and it’s late. I am tired”. Then she kept talking like a normal mother… It was creepy. But people still have no idea… The girl and I had common friends and they even used to talk about it in front of me.

At the end, I don’t have much female friends. I don’t feel to need them. Women stab you in the back as soon as they see an opportunity, while male friends are not like that. Men have a right sense of friendship and higher values about it. Girls usually have that friend who’s their accomplice in life but I just prefer to do it with my mom. People tell her all the time “You are more like a friend than a mother. It is so wrong. How would she learn to respect you? You have to put limits, there is too much familiarity between you 2”.

But you know what… I respect her and she respects me. We have never had a fight. We have never yelled at each other. We are never angry at each other. I never saw her fighting with my dad. I feel free to tell my mom everything. If I make a mistake, I don’t hide it. I don’t feel judged. The same way, if she has problems, she tells me everything and I don’t judge her. We can talk about anything in a very open way. I don’t hide things from her, and we are very loyal to each other. It is something that people can’t believe.

She has a special charm that attracts men. There are always men crazy about her. Wherever we go, there will be a couple of men trying to get closer. If you think that it happens to me, when we are together, she may attract more men than I do!

For some reason, that hippy woman attracts rich men and an elegant date would be the perfect opportunity to troll men. I know any girl would be crazy about having a romantic date at an elegant restaurant and would feel burdened at the same time about not behaving properly. But mom is different. She does unmannered things on purpose just to shock him.

She can say things like “Oh what a beautiful salt shaker! I will take it home! Help me with the napkins, put everything on my purse”. And he just startles at her shocked and then exploded in laughter. She can also take off a roll of toilet paper and put it in the middle of the table and use it like a napkin. She does other things that I won’t say because are too good ideas that I plan to use too.

You may think that any man, on his right mind would run away, but they don’t. Actually, once, a man offered me a car in exchange for pictures of my mom sleeping… not naked… just sleeping. Of course I would betray her like that but it is an interesting situation.

That’s why I say we are very loyal to each other and people don’t understand why we are so different to most parent-children relationships. My parents never scold me, because they talk to me before I misbehave.

My mom doesn’t scold without a valid reason. She never puts ridiculous rules at home. That means that we only have a couple of rules that I really obey, because I think those are important. She never says “You can’t do this”. She says “You can do it. The good effects are this, this and this. The bad effects are this, this and this. Do what you consider the best for you and be responsible of you actions”.

If I want to go to a concert, of course she allows me to do it, but she just says a few things to be careful about, like “You can go to the concert but not in Mexico City. It is too dangerous to go by yourself. I prefer you to farer but it is a safer place”.

People tell my mom all the time: “You are too used to be with your daughter. What will you do once she gets married? I am sure you won’t even allow her to get married”.

She never says “Don’t get married” like other mothers do who say things like “Good daughters stay with their mothers forever”. She says “You can get married, you can just move with a guy or you can move alone by yourself. You can have all the experiences you want. It can go wrong, it can go fine… you just have to be careful. It doesn’t matter what happen, you will always have me to support and you can always come back home. If there is a trouble or things go wrong, this is your house. You don’t have to bear a bad situation.”

People don’t know us very well, so they may have a wrong image. My mom has her own life and gets busy by herself. It is not like “she has no life without me”. The same way I can do things by myself…. It is just that we enjoy being together and doing mischiefs together.

We have been moving from one place to another all the time. The same way my grandmother wasn’t afraid of moving from one side of the country to another, we were not afraid of moving from one country to another. Sometimes friends tell me “I’ve lived my whole life in the same house, in the same bedroom. I feel so afraid of getting married and moving to another house. How would it feel to wake up in a different bedroom? It is so scary!”

I don’t understand it.

As I said, we only keep a couple of people close, but we are very distant from everybody. We don’t want people to know us. We don’t want people to get closer to us.

We can be at one place one day, and suddenly say “Let’s move to that city!” and we do it. I am a specialist on moving from one house to another. We can just leave the house like that and move to another city and a little later come back and the house is still there like if nothing happened. Or we can sell everything and live some days without basic stuff. It is also exciting, and then you move to a new place and have to start buying things… All of that is exciting.

I don’t understand when people say “We are moving to another city and I don’t want to because my friends are there”. We have a huge world to discover and people don’t do it just because they are afraid! There are all those place to know, all that people to meet, all those experiences to live…. How can you deny all those opportunities? Don’t you regret it later? “Why didn’t I do that?”.

One of the rules between my mom and I is to adapt to the situation. We can live on the best house or in the worst house. We can adapt to a high economic level or to a low level. We can keep a low profile if we want to and we will not care about what people think. We adapt without complains.

Actually, our house has 2 fronts, a fake one and a real one. Even if you go into the property, you don’t know which one is our apartment. You will never imagine it. People tell me all the time “I don’t understand your house”. Well, people may enter the place, but they never get into hour apartment. There only a couple of people who know the real apartment. Our door even has 2 doorknobs… but that was because we were learning to put it and we did it wrong. So we said that we would use that door to practice. We put another doorknob in the other side. At the end it looked so weird and we decided to put that door. Tenants knock at our door and look at it weirdly and say: “I don’t know which doorknob opens the door!”.

We don’t get too attached to material things, so we can let them go at any moment. We can just move to a different place without any warning. It is fun to just “fade out”.

At this moment, she doesn’t have to work to make a living, and she doesn’t have a husband to take care of. So she can spend her days however she wants. She can go to sleep late, or can spend the day playing videogames, or can cook whatever she wants that day… One days she just says “Let’s go to the beach” or “Let’s eat at a restaurant today instead of cooking”, or “let’s have pizza as breakfast”.

She has a very relaxed life. The hippy life is a nice life. So she looks for ways to entertain herself. Usually she does it through internet, because we have more tools.

Sometimes I have to stop her. I almost took away her Facebook because she uses it to do all kind of crazy things. I had to tell her “Mom please, there are people who know me on Facebook, and they know you are my mother, and they will see all the crazy things you do. Please, you will chase away all my friends”. It was necessary to constantly monitor her Facebook. So, when she had to behave properly on Facebook she abandoned it.

It happens everywhere. She finds a new social network and instead of following the rules like everybody does, or doing useful things… she looks for a way to entertain herself.

She can’t do only one thing at a time. She is a hyperactive child. She needs to do several things at a time, because she gets bored easily. Something can grab her attention for a moment but she will move to something else soon.

It also happens with boyfriends. A boyfriend must be smart and interesting to grab her attention, but if he is dull or he is not interesting enough she will get bored. She is an interesting person who invites your to have exciting adventures… but she asks for the same. She will look for interesting men. She often says “I got bored of that boyfriend at the 10 days”. And then she starts looking for something to entertain herself. A man must be interesting, with lots of knowledge and topics to talk about. If she finds a man who only talks about the same 3 topics again and again and just goes in circles around the same things, she will get bored, but if when she finds a man who has several topics to talk about and knows about things that she doesnt know, she will be the happiest woman in the world and will pay attention to everything he says while learning as much as possible.

Games are a great example. She is not like a normal person who logs in and does quests. She opens the game, puts music, or is watching videos at the same time, and logs in on Facebook, or is cooking… I just have to say that she already burned 2 motherboards. Yes, she burned it!

That’s why “Daddy” tells me “You have to monitor her constantly. Look what is she doing on internet. Look what she writes with her little fingers”.

Once Daddy called me and  when he asked “Where is your mother?”

Me: I don’t know. Maybe at her bedroom.

Daddy: What do you mean with “I don’t know”. At least is she in the house?

Me: I don’t even know where my dog is and my dog can’t get out of the house. How do you expect me to know where my mom is?

Daddy: I am sure she is doing something. I can feel it. Go look for her immediately! Now! Now! Go!

*5 minutes later*

Me: Guess what! I found her!

Daddy: Where is your mom?

Me: No, I found my dog. She was at the balcony. My mom… I think she is chatting with a tenant.

Daddy: She knew I could call her at this time. Why is not waiting for my call?

Me: You know that once she starts chatting she can spend hours there. She doesn’t notice how time passes.

Daddy: Go immediately and tell her that I am already waiting for her…. Now! I am so busy… it is so hard for me to make time for her… At least is she behaving? Did you see what she did yesterday on internet?

Me: No.

Daddy: Aren’t you supervising her? You have to monitor her more often.

Me: Awww daddy… I can’t be her shadow.

Daddy: Why can’t she be like you?

Me: You wouldn’t like that either…

Daddy: And tell me… how old is the tenant talking to her?

Me: ¬.¬ 16 years old…

Daddy: Of course… at that age they are a bunch of hormones… go bring her back!

And you may be wondering… What does a woman talking for hours with teenagers? Usually she is teaching her rebellious ideals, anarchy, feminism… that kind of things. It may look like she is on her own stuff, but she immediately notices when one of the tenants arrives home in a bad mood.

The same way I feel free to talk to her, tenants feel free to ask for advice. “People bother me at school”, “My mom mistreats me”, “My boyfriend is not nice anymore”. It also happens with my cousins. They always come to my mom when they feel burdened or weak and they end up feeling strong. People always wonder… “What does she say to that bunch of teenagers?”

In Mexico the term “bullying” doesn’t exist. Those are trendy words that idle mothers use, without even knowing the real meaning, to sound cool in front of their friends and follow the trend like sheep… like they did with yoga and vegetarianism. One day nobody talks about “bullying” and the next day every mother is “concerned” about it. A little later they forget it and are concerned about something else. It is an excuse to waste their time with other idle mothers.

In Mexico people are tough. You go to school and you face all kind of bullying since ever. For Mexicans bullying is like “building a character”. It is part of life and it helps you to forge a strong personality. The environment in Mexico is much tougher than in other places. I saw it in Canada… school is much more relaxed and at first it is nice, but then you find very weak people. At the first trouble they cry because they feel everything too difficult.

In Mexico parents usually talk about letting children to have (controlled) bad experiences, so they will learn that life is not easy. It is like having callus on the hands. A person who does nothing will not have callus, and will get hurt very easily. A person with too much callus is also bad. A person with a little bit of callus will be able to work more with less pain. Mexican parents say “Personalities also need a little bit of callus”.

In Mexico parents don’t go the teacher whining “bububu that boy bothers my son”. It would mean that the bully is stronger than the parents. A bully wants to hurt and it means that his area of effect reached the parents. Anyway, teachers can’t do anything about it. There will always be a moment when nobody watches, when the victim is alone and there is no one to protect them.

Once you see the world like that, you will start behaving differently. When you go to school in Mexico, you will bully others and be bullied. You have to find a way to survive in the wilderness of the classroom, even teachers bully students. Remember, “Big fish eats smaller fish”. There are places to be a pacifist and places to be a war-hungry. That’s what my mom teaches: How to behave at every place and every situation.

Sometimes people can’t handle her behavior and prefer to run away. Her personality is only for brave people. When a person understands her personality and learns how handle the weird situations, they will have all kind of exciting adventures. Only a few people are really close to her, but that people have been beside her a whole life and have supported each other in an amazing way.

So, to divert the attention I will tell you her harmless mischiefs.

My mom enjoys to psychologically abusing our dog. As an example, today, in the morning, our dog, that little girl that I treat as my baby, was sleeping happily on her bed. My mom planned a sneak attack. She sneaked until she was very close to my dog’s face. Then my mom barked (yes, barked) to my dog. My dog woke up with a start… the dog jumped, barked to nothing, tried to run, hit the wall, bounced, tangled up with her own feet, hit the wall again, fell head over heels and rolled all around the bedroom.

I was like “Mom! My dog! D= ” and she laughed so much that she lost her voice for the rest of the day. (That’s why I call divine justice).

We live in an apartment full of teenagers and university students. All of them receive money every month and no parental supervision…. And we became very good friends with them.

One of those guys is the common “metrosexual sex symbol”, full of vanity. At night he gets dressed to go out and showers on perfume. I can say that because we can almost see the cloud of perfume coming through our windows. For my mom, this is the perfect situation to bother somebody. When we feel that cloud of perfume, she goes to any patio or hallway, like if she was standing there by coincidence (at 2 am?). The guy is going out and she just smiles and with the sweetest voice says “Good night young man! Ready to work on your corner? Good luck with the clients!” and keeps smiling.

When we are alone, she calls everybody by nicknames, and she thinks on the funniest you can ever imagine. Her plans are so Machiavellian… She uses a nickname and then when you are in front of the person you can’t hide your laugh and look like the crazy one… It is killing 2 birds with one stone.

She enjoys to play with people’s mind. Once, when i was a child, some friends went to my house. The plan was to make homework together and then play for the rest of the afternoon, but my mom had an evil plan ready. While we were doing homework she said “Daughter, I will leave you alone for a moment. Please, watch out for the child, he may do mischiefs”. My friends asked “Which child?” and she told them a fake story about a child who died in the house and didn’t like other children, so he would do things to chase them away.

Our houses have always had 2 entrance doors, so it looked like she left, but she actually came back. She waited until we forgot about it and focused on our own things. She hid our things without us noticing it. My friends were like “Where is my pencil?”, “Look it moved to the other table!”. She made little noises, especially on the stairs and the second floor. She even put a little ball in a certain place where it slowly moved and after a moment it fell down and bounced in front of us (That the use she gives to the physics she studied?).

As soon as we finished our homework, everybody left quickly. They didn’t stay to play with me T.T

They even told me “How can you live in this house?”. I think we never had visits again. Looks like she didn’t want to deal with children.

Once, we were in the supermarket and there was the typical gossipy elderly woman, who was beside us like “shopping” but she was actually listening to our conversation. Suddenly my mom grabbed a huge bag of avocados and said “Oh look! There is an special offer of avocados! They usually cost $25 and now they are only at $6! It is so cheap! Let’s buy lots and lots of avocados. There are only a few left”. There was only a small amount because the avocados were very expensive that time. The woman immediately ran to the avocados pushing everybody on her way and took a bunch of avocados to her cart. She also did it with bags of coffee. When she did it with liquid soap she said “It doesn’t spoil or get rotten. We can buy lots and store them for months”.

Tat the supermarket there is always a “smart” person who leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking the way or even other carts. They just leave and don’t notice how annoying their carts are for other people. At that moment, when my mom gives me our shopping cart I know what she will do:

She will walk like if nothing g happens. She will take whatever she finds and put it on the shopping cart. She will take the cart like if it was hers and will keep walking until the very last corner of the supermarket. Then she will leave the shopping cart in the most forgotten aisle of the store. The purpose is that once the owner of the shopping carts comes back will feel confused and we will see his face of “WTF!?!”.

You know that every criminal goes back to the crime scene. She will go back to where I am. They usually follow the same routine: The person will go back to the aisle with new things to put on the cart. They stand in front of where they remember they left the cart. They will look confused at the empty space. They will look to both sides of the aisle. They will turn around. They will look from one side to another again. They will look at the empty space again. They will walk to the next aisle. They will come back to where we are because they are sure they left the cart at that specific spot.

Then they will look at my mom who has been looking at the same jar of strawberry jelly for 15 minutes… They will ask “Excuse me. Did you see if I left my shopping cart here?” and she will say “Where? Here? In the middle of the aisle? Blocking the other 3 carts? I don’t think so… would you do it?”.

The next example only applies for single men about my mom’s age (Those are very easy to notice). They leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and leave. Then my mom moves the cart a little bit and adds a few “extra” things to the cart, like a baby’s shirt, a dress with the logo of “Hello Kitty”, a pack of hair dye or a giant pack of sanitary towels or tampons. Then she will stand beside the cart, but without touching it. The man will look at there and think “I left my shopping cart here. 3 of the products in the cart are mine, but 3 are not. There is a woman beside the cart. Is it my cart or not? Did i leave it somewhere else?”. Sometimes we even finish doing our shopping and the man is still there looking for his cart.

Children are an easy target for her. There are innocent actions, like when we see a happy girl walking on the street showing off about her new dress. Those are easy to notice too. My mom will make a surprised face and say “WOW!!! That’s a beautiful dress! Look there is a princess with a princess’ dress!” but also there are maleficent actions. Once there were some children playing on the street, beside a messy garden. The grass was a little high, but not too much. The children were peacefully playing, sitting down beside some rocks. She was walking beside then when she yelled: “OMG!!!! A snake! Did you see the snake? I saaw the head o fa snake between the rocks! It must live on the grass”. Then the children were running and yelling. One of them said “Kill it!!” and another one said “No! It may attack us! Everybody run!!”.

Once, my dad was late for his job. He was getting dressed and running from one side to another, streessed out. My mom took one of his shoes and hid it. He was looking for the shoe all around the house saying “Where is my shoe?!?!?! I can’t find my shoe!!!”. And then, suddenly, the shoe was back beside the bed and my mom saying “Hey! The shoe is right in front of you! Stop playing around and get serious!”. Actually she did it several times, with different ítems.  I think my dad doubted about his sanity at some point.

My mom tried to startle my dad, like hiding behind a door or something like that, but when somebody startle him he throws a punch or pushes whatever is in front of him. He says it is because of the military training…. So my mom only did it once or twice…

One of my favorites is when we are walking around the city and a there is a violent mother yelling at a small child… Of course we will not let it happen. We will just walk beside her and my mom will say something like: “Then they are wondering why the children grew up to become a violent man, a wife beater”. “Then patens wonder why their children grow up and don’t love them anymore”. “Then the parents expect their children to visit them at the retirement home”.  “Do people really think that children have no memory?”. “So, people have children to do that?”. “Not even snakes behave like that with their babies”. “If she was my neighbor i could have called social services. Somebody take the children away from that woman, she doesn’t deserve those children”. “If they treat a little girl like that, what will happen if she grows up, becomes a teenager and gets pregnant? Will they abandon the girl? Will they beat her up?”. “Of course they will abuse small children, what will happen when that boy grows up and gets taller and stronger?”, “Is that woman aware that she will become an elder and will need somebody to change her diapers? At that moment the child will remember all those mistreats”. “Sure, teach the girl she must bear beating and then don’t complain when her husband hits her”. “How do they expect to have a good communication or relationship with their children?”.

And there are certain sentences that can’t miss like:

“Looks like this woman doesn’t know what a parent MUST love their children and not mistreat them. No yelling no hitting. IT IS WRONG! Nobody has the right to mistreat a child, NOBODY, under any circumstance. NEVER. Nothing justifies it. ”

It is amazing the effect that those words have on people, especially on children. The very first reaction of parents is to stop whatever they are doing. They get shocked. Children also stop. Sometimes they are crying and immediately stop. You can notice how their brain starts processing the information. The most important fact is to send the main information in a single sentence so the child gets on his brain the idea of “Nobody can mistreat another person”.

She teaches feminism at every opportunity. If she sees small children, like a brother and sister fighting she immediately says something with the message “Do not allow it. Stop it immediately”.

One, when my cousin was like 5 years old and my mom was much younger, my cousin came back from school, crying. She said “There is a boy at school. He bothers me. Every day he pulls my hair until he rips off my bow. He does it every day”. My mom said “We have to stop it immediately! Do not allow him to do it never again! I will tell you what to do and he will learn to respect you!”.

The next day, my aunt came to my mom’s house with a letter from the teacher, a “trouble ticket” (nothing big, it didn’t go the girl’s permanent file)… and an appointment for my aunt to meet the teacher and the boy’s parents. My aunt kept saying “The boy cried the whole day!”.

But the boy never bothered my cousin again!! And nobody else did it!!!

The worst fact: It was like turning on a switch on my cousin’s mind. Something changed inside of her, something that kept growing up until today.

Once, my uncle told us: “My daughter has a boyfriend. It looks serious. I am really worried they would get married”. My mom said “Do you think he is a bad boy?”. And my uncle said: “No, no. He is a very nice boy, I just feel sorry for him”.

The darkness swallowed my cousin’s soul. By this moment I would say that my cousin is even more dangerous and feminist than my mom. She is mean. I don’t call people “mean” often.. but she is really mean.

Going back to my mom. It is really fun when she behaves like a small girl and I behave like the mother. We have a perfect synchrony. Once we were at a corner store. There was a child who made a tantrum to get some chips. He was eating those chips like if was the most delicious thing in the world. My mom just looked at him and started a dialogue that we know very well:

Mom: Daughter, look. Those chips look so delicious. I want chips too.

Me: No mom. You can’t eat chips right now.

Mom: Why not?

Me: Because we will eat soon. REAL FOOD, no chips. You have to eat nutritious food. Chips are not healthy.

Mom: I am craving for chips. I want chips. I will eat the chips after the healthy food.

Me: Yeah, sure…. As soon as you get those ships in your hands you will eat them. I know it. No chips today and that’s it.

Mom: BUT I WANT CHIIIIIIIPSSSSSSSS!!!

Then she starts making a tantrum repeating what the child did and I act like the dad, who is very angry. The child looked at us very confused until his dad came back and they left. Then the cashier was looking at us even more confused.

Since that time we started playing with the adult’s mind, especially at candy stores. It is very shocking for the workers to see this situation while we are at the line in the cash register:

Mom: Daughter, I have a good idea. Buy some marshmallows.

Me: Why?

Mom: Because you like marshmallows.

Me: I don’t like marshmallows. You like marshmallows. I like chocolates. Do you want marshmallows?

Mom: Ehm… Yessssssssssss. Daughter.. buy me some marshmallows. *puts her head over my shoulder with cute eyes*

Me: Why didn’t you tell me before? We are already on the line.

Mom: Because i just say the marshmallows and now I want.

Me: Ok, go get some, but be fast. Run!

Then she will stand beside me hugging her bag of marshmallows smiling to the cashier while I pay. Well it was funnier when I was 13 years old.

What I want to say with all of this? If she is doing something weird, even if it looks like an accident, IT IS NOT! It is very probably that it was a premeditated act with the purpose of confusing people, scaring people and creating chaos. Even if it looks like something good… IT IS NOT! There is something Machiavellian behind that.

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