We already know that every person has their own kind of craziness, the same way every person has their own kind of intelligence. We all have obsessions, fixations, manias and other mental disorders… And we should learn to tolerate other’s obsessions the same way they tolerate ours…. but there are some kinds of obsessions that are at a whole new level.
Maybe it is very common to say “That person doesn’t have an own life, that’s way they need to get into other people’s life”.
Well, there are people without a life that don’t even dream about having a romantic relationship, no, their expectations don’t go that far, they dream about other people having romantic relationships and exciting lives.
There are people with an extreme need of seeing romance stories everywhere and they will do everything to force that situation. They see things that we just don’t see. It is very common between Kpop fans. In Kpop language it is called “reaching” (I don’t know if that term applies somewhere else). Their goal is that their dream about a love story MUST be true and they will do anything to reach that goal.
For people who see that behavior from outside, it may sound ridiculous, but fans take it really seriously.
There are different ways and levels of “reaching”.
You may find conversations like:
-She is dating an idol.
-Why do you say that?
-Look at her shoes. It is couple’s clothing!
-Those high heels? It is only a Dolce&Gabbana…
-Yes but there is a “G” and a “D”…. She is dating G-Dragon!!!
For me it’s kind of hard to believe in the “couple clothing” between idol’s couples, because their appearance is a basic area of their job and usually they wear sponsored clothes and can’t wear clothes from other brands that easily. It is known that celebrities have scheduled clothes according to their sponsor’s needs, so it may be really hard to get into the “couple’s clothing”.
Maybe it is because the “couple’s clothes” is a trend in Korea (Asia?) only, not in America. I don’t even think that people here, in general, would like that trend. Even if a couple tries to do it… they would face huge amounts of bullying….
For this kind of fans, one of the main evidences of a relationship is that a person posts something in their social networks and the other one replies posting something similar. It is the called “Lovestagram”. More or less like this:
-She posted something about the “Sha Sha Sha” song… and he did the “Sha sha sha” at the tv show… They are communicating!! Awww such a playful couple 🙂
-Everybody is talking about the “Shashasha”…
-YOU DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE!?!?!?! IT IS OBVIOUS!!! YOU ***!!! NON-BELIEVER!!!!
(They can get really violent if you break down their hopes).
I think there is some kind of rebellious reaction or reverse psychology, because they always say “Kpop idols can’t date. They don’t have girlfriends. They can’t even look at girls. Also they live in an extremely homophobic culture, therefore any gay idol must do anything to hide it.”
What’s the fans reaction? They see relationships everywhere, specially the gay ones.
Of course there must be relationships and gay relationships. The fact is not the existence or absence of relationship… the fact is the way they want to see those relationships, between specific people, in a specific way. I mean, if there are relationships, gay or not… who cares? That’s their life and it has nothing to do with their job. If they start a relationship, or break up or became monks… it shouldn’t affect their job.
(And some people say that it is part of the “price of fame”, but it happens to everybody, at a lesser scale. It’s just that the more famous the person is, the bigger the effect of their actions).
We are talking about people, humans, at a legal age (they are not 5 years old), who are trying to have a satisfactory life… And of course they have leisure time, they have girlfriends and they have sex… but then, there is a leaked picture of “Kris” in the bed and fans get crazy about it.
1.- There is not even clear if the guy in the picture is Kris or not… Some people are talking about another guy who just “looks like Kris”.
2.- He is just sleeping in the bed, covered by a blanket…. We are not looking at him naked or something…
3.- There is something like an arm or an elbow of somebody else and it is not clear who the person is.
As far as we don’t even know if the person is male or female, there are lots of speculations about who the partner may be. They talk about a girlfriend, a prostitute, a male partner, a member of the group etc… and then Internet collapses. There are articles on the magazines that make money out of these scandals and everybody makes comments.
One of the comments was “Well, I am very disappointed of him. Is that what he has been doing lately? That’s shame”.
Since when, a single man, in his 20s, having sex turns into a national shame?
Of course it depends on the situation… it is not the same if they are talking about a girlfriend who wanted to take revenge, or a prostitute or a gay partner… but it is incredible the amount of speculation out of a single, unclear picture. The point is not that he was having sex or not. The point is people’s reaction.
Sexuality is a very important part on every living being. A person with a healthy and satisfactory sex life will be more mentally and physically healthy. It is unhealthy to try to cut-off that part of humans. What is the shame of it? It sounds like when people said that the left-handed people were descendants of the devil. Having or not having sex should be a personal decision, respected by all.
At the same time, sex is as common and irrelevant as breathing, eating, going to school or any other daily activity. It shouldn’t be a matter of morbid interest.
It is unhealthier to have that kind of reactions than the action itself of having sex.
And don’t tell me that all of the people saying that it was “shameful” made a commitment of a lifelong consecrated celibacy in that radical perspective. Every person is free to decide if they want to have sex or a relationship, or not, or when, how and with whom… without any coercion.
Sex only has 3 rules: 1.- You must have control of the situation. 2.- Your partner or involved people should agree with everything and 3.- You shouldn’t hurt third parts.
It never says “You, society, must protect your idol’s virginity with your life” or “You, fan, must decide who will be your idol’s girlfriend and who shouldn’t”.
The problem with these exaggerated reactions is that their words lose force and when there are real problems or bad actions, they say the same stale message and people don’t pay attention to it anymore.
Also, when there is such repression and judgment it only causes a rebellious attitude or an unhealthy morbidness. That’s why we keep repeating on: “If parents and teachers don’t talk about sex with their children they will search for information in the wrong places, with the wrong people and get a distorted vision of it”.
In my country it is called “Like a tied dog”. When you tie a dog to a tree and the dog is there, day after day, and suddenly it manages to escape, the dog will run away like a crazy, it may get lost, it won’t come back or it may run into the street or hurt himself. If you let your dog to be free on the garden and someday you leave the door open, it won’t go out running like crazy. It will behave the same way inside and outside of the house and if you say “Don’t go to the road” the dog will obey. Is just a metaphor.
If you talk about sex with younger people, they will decide if they want to have it or now or the conditions… Instead of doing it when they have the opportunity to do it.
One of the comments said: “Looks like idols find easier to meet prostitutes, as far as they are not allowed to have girlfriends and normal relationships”. Well, the habit of meeting prostitutes is like an iceberg, what we see is just a little part of something huge… a very long topic.
And I think it is also what happens with lots of girls who say they are not allowed to have boyfriend at school but they spend hours reading hardcore fanfics.
Most of those comments are mainly double standards and hypocrisy. I am talking about fans on this side of the world. When fans create a huge drama because their bias got into a relationship, it is mere hypocrisy.
Let’s talk about an example. A fan from Latin America said “Junsu made an album dedicated to Hani… EWWWWW. I will not support his album because he shouldn’t get into a relationship.”
I don’t think that would be a valid argument to justify the level of saltiness, even in Korea, but she is from Latin America, and let me explain how things work here.
We have no “idols”, actually it feels wrong to call a person “idol” because in Spanish the meaning is something like “False God”. We have “Singers”, “Artists” and “interpreters”. We don’t expect perfection, we don’t expect them to be celibate forever or to have a perfect behavior. Actually it is the very opposite. The way of thinking here is that money spoils people, so the more money a person has, the more damaged they can be. Therefore artists, politicians and socialite have the worst behavior.
Celebrities don’t even try to show a perfect behavior. It is always said that they are more open-minded than the general population. Especially if we talk about gays, transsexuals, transgender etc…
Also, we make a clear difference between a singer, interpreter and an artist. A common singer is just a person with a nice, educated voice who makes a correct work. An interpreter is a person who receives a song and has the ability to feel the writer’s emotions and convey it to the audience through his voice…. And an artist is a person who has the ability to transform his feelings into art and successfully express it in a way that others can feel it too.
Due to that, when an artist is in a relationship and releases an album people says “Oh, he wrote the songs for that girl. He must be really feeling the song and even if they broke up, that song will always be special, and he will sing it with a different feeling according to the stage of the relationship. Therefore it is a better performance than just singing a random song”. It’s like, if they are not in a relationship, people wouldn’t believe in their work.
It is so important for singers and actors that they even have to get into fake relationships a little before they release an album to make people feel more interested on it. Every time a drama or movie is made, the companies will pressure the protagonists to have a relationship so people would believe the romantic stories. They have been even abusing of that strategy that every time less people believes on those relationships…
What do I mean with all of that?
If this is the local system, we grow up watching it on TV and we are so used to it that we don’t even pay attention anymore…. Why do girls react saying “I can’t believe my bias is in a relationship!! I feel so disappointed about their behavior”??. That’s why I say it is mere hypocrisy.
The “reaching” is something that we face all the time at the fanpages… And the obsession of finding gay couples is a full-time job for them. It is very clear the way fans forget that fanfics are not real life. Sometimes they take lines of the fanfics and repeat them like if the idols really said it.
When fans believe in something, they will do ANYTHING to make you believe it too. It is easy to find them even before they start preaching. You know what the conversation will be about when they start with the sentence “80 pictures that prove that this couple is real”. They make videos, fanfics and pages dedicated to their love.
It is the same case with Kai… There was comment after comment saying “I want him to get into a relationship”. “I want him to date XXX girl”.
This is what happened on the fanpages:
A: I wish Kai had a relationship with Kristal. I made this video: 3574 moments of “Kaistal”. They are meant to be.
B: That won’t happen.
A: It is real!!! They don’t make it public, but it is real!!! It is so real that there is a whole fandom of their relationship. They will have a huge support. We, fans, want that. You are a non-believer. That’s why you don’t see it.
*Kai announces formal relationship with Kristal*
A: What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO why?
B: You said you wanted him to get into that relationship.
A: Yes but… no.
B: What happened? This is your dream…
A: Yes, I wanted it but… Not like that. I don’t even believe it. So I made this video: “80 reasons why Kaistal is a fake relationship”. I know them so well that I can see how fake it is. I won’t support that couple!!
B: But they are wearing couple’s clothes.
A: I know it. I wanted to buy the same clothes but they are sold out everywhere.
C: Kai looks so happy and sweet lately. I am sure he is in love. I know him very well and he is clearly in love. He must be dating somebody.
A: Of course he is dating! But not her. He is dating somebody else secretly. We just need to find who his real couple is.
D: Of course he is in love. KaiTae forever!!!
A: No!!! Somebody else.
D: KaiTae is real! There is a video with the evidence. “2587 KaiTae moments.”
And what are those videos? Any moment where they are at the same place.
“Changmin and Minho sang for Kyuhyun at the SMTown. The 3 of them love each other so much”
(Yes, the Kyuline is also a huge orgy. Everybody wants Kyuhyun).
“Jongup and Zelo is the sweetest couple. That’s so good that the older members allow them to share bedroom”
“Donghae and Eunhyuk made a solo dance at the concert because they are couple” (Not because they are the main dancers and they do it at every concert).
Jonghyun and Onew are at the airport. They get out of the car and are standing beside the car while waiting for the rest of the members and staff.
-Did you see Jonghyun and Onew? Father and mother of the group. They need to be together all the time. Their relationship is so real.
-But after that, Key liked Onew’s picture on Instagram. He wants to steal Onew.
-Ohhhh no! Key shouldn’t get between them!!!
-I know… I am sure Taemin felt so hurt because of that….
-He did it first… He started it… he was walking behind Minho all the time at last concert. He was following Minho to flirt at him at any opportunity. Key wanted revenge.
Then this picture appeared with the message: “Our suspicions are confirmed. We have seen Jonghyun and Minho being extra close lately… and now everything if confirmed. They got married secretly a few days ago and this concert was the moment members could gather to celebrate it. They even received a wedding cake from the members. Do you see how happy is the newly married couple? Let’s keep supporting their love”
Note: This cake is to celebrate the 8th anniversary of Shinee…
I’ve been through different stages. Sometimes there is something important and then they get unfocused talking about their fanfics and their love stories and it is really frustrating… Sometimes it is even worrying the way they may distort the reality to see what they want to see… and sometimes they just make me laugh while they look so cute.
As an example: A year ago, Eunhyuk posted a picture of his dog, and then Siwon posted a picture of his dog. For fans it means that they are in a relationship. Then the fandom gets divided into “believers” and “not-believers”. And then one of their posts says “I love you” and the other one “I love you too” and then there is a bunch of fans dreaming about Eunhyuk&Siwon’s love relationship. After that, everything they do together is a sign of love. They believe it so much that after a year, fans posted the pictures again to celebrate some kind of anniversary (?).
Actually they were joking with their pets, but looks like nobody noticed the pictures of the pets.
If we follow that logic… a few days ago several male idols posted pictures with their dogs… does it mean that they are all in a polyamory relationship?
These fans have created several parallel worlds or dimensions. You can see a group of fans talking about the clear relationship between specific male and female idols, and another group talking at the same time about the same male idol dating another girl. It may lead to fanwars. There is only one case where everybody agrees: Kyuhyun.
For fans, there is no more desired man than Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun has the most exciting life in the world having dates all the time… Everybody loves Kyuhyun, everybody desires Kyuhyun, and they fight for Kyuhyun. Nobody can resist to the sexiness of Charming Kyuhyun. Male and female idols lose their mind when they are close to Kyuhyun. And Super Junior members are lucky to live in a passionate polygamist relationship with him in the dorms where all of them share the maknae.. of course despite the agreement is to share him, sometimes the jealousy is stronger and it leads to troubles….
And please don’t misunderstand… You know what I think about Kyuhyun… Kyuhyun is handsome, sexy, interesting and has lots of charms… there is no doubt about it… lots of people like him…it’s just the way they talk about the situation, which may sound really funny.
These are a few of my favorite cases of “Reaching”.
Please watch this short video:
Now I will explain what happened according to these fans:
There are Kyuhyun and Heechul. They are in a relationship. They must hide it, but they love so much each other that Kyuhyun can’t control himself and needs to be constantly touching Heechul.
Immediately, Yesung notices that touching and gets crazy of jealousy, because he also loves Kyuhyun. (Remember, everybody loves Kyuhyun).
Heechul looks at Yesung just to mock and show off a little bit that he got Kyuhyun right now.
Yesung pouts because he is so jealous that he can’t control himself. Kyuhyun may awake the lowest passions in the other members.
Kyuhyun is struggling because he wants to get closer to Yesung, but when that happens, Heechul gets jealous, then Kyuhyun shows their hands together like saying “I am with Heechul. He is my partner”.
Then Heechul gets crazy about it. Just thinking about the possibility of losing Kyuhyun drives him crazy.
Yesung starts talking, trying to get Kyuhyun’s attention, but Heechul won’t let him go that easily. Heechul will fight until the end.
Yesung, blind of jealousy and desperation creates an evil plan: He will make Kyuhyun jealous too! It’s like “You make me jealous! I will make you feel jealous!”
Then Yesung hugs Ryeowook like saying “I don’t need you anymore! I have somebody else right now!”.
But this is not enough to make Kyuhyun leave Heechul. And then Yesung notices that Ryeowook is also interested in Kyuhyun… Everybody wants Kyuhyun.
When Yesung notices that this plan failed he gets more desperate and decides recover him by using the force. So Yesung grabs Kyuhyun and looks at Heechul with a threatening gaze, like saying “He is mine! I won’t let him go!”.
Then Ryeowook looks proudly at Yesung for bringing Kyuhyun back.
You don’t know the rest of the story because the video is too short, but Heechul is really, really angry and will keep fighting for Kyuhyun’s heart.
It was a whole dorama in 30 seconds…
There is another similar situation. At the Super Camp the group was divided into couples to parody a scene of a drama, just as a game. The scene was a couple fight, where they smack each other and then they hug and comeback. But fans say that Ryeowook and Kyuhyun are not acting, they really love each other and that’s why they hugged with such passion (Of course they edited out the slaps from the video).
Didn’t you see Kyuhyun’s love in his eyes?
Didn’t you see how they kept their hands together until the end?
And talking about hands… this one is very cute. A girl’s testimonial…
“I was at the airport, taking pictures of Kyuhyun. Suddenly he turned back to me and saw me. I can remember the way he looked at me. Then he offered his hand to me. He kept looking at me, like saying ‘Please take my hand’. Like if he wanted me to go with him. I really wanted to leave everything there and go with him. Looks like he wants to do that kind of pictures where they are holding hands with their girlfriends while traveling and you only see the girl’s arm. He wanted to do that with me. *sighs* The way he looked at me.. while asking me to take his hand… to go with him.. It was just beautiful. But I know he can’t do it, even if he wants to. We can’t… we shouldn’t… ”
And… there is the picture….
By the way… the picture has a watermark of a very important fanbase.. so I am not even sure if the picture was actually taken by the girl who wrote that….
At the end we may be thinking “It must be so annoying for the idols to bear with all those crazy fans”. It must be the hardest part of their work. They receive love and support and everything Idols do is based on their fans… especially the crazy ones… but at the same time they receive aggressions and their freedom is cut off by those girls.
Sometimes celebrities get tired and we have seen them to lose their control and have violent reactions towards fans. There was a female singer who worked on the stages since she was a child, when she was close to her 40’s she was really tired. Once she explained those feelings in an interview. She said this:
One day I was traveling, I was stressed, very tired… In the way, I went to a public restroom. Please imagine this. I was in the bathroom, sitting there and suddenly I saw a hand under the door with a pen and a notebook. I heard a male voice… “Can you please give me an autograph?”. I got so angry. I couldn’t bear that anymore. It is impossible. Fans didn’t even allow me to use the bathroom peacefully. At that point I hated my fans. So I left of the place and told my manager “I quit”. I cancelled the event and left. I felt so much anger. You have no idea the level of anger and repulsion I felt towards fans and towards my mother, who got me into this since I was a child. I hated her for every ballet lesson and every casting… I hated fans that sent love letters. I hated cameras and reporters. Then I moved to another country. I tried to hide but there was still too much hate on my heart. I joined a religion and it healed me a lot. I could forgive my mother. Then, living like a normal person I met my husband and he healed the left wounds… After years I felt strong enough to come back to the stages with a renewed energy.
Well maybe not every idol is able to have a spiritual retirement in the Caribbean and meeting a gorgeous and sweet man… but there are other options.
I said that reverse psychology works well… If an idol doesn’t have a girlfriend, fans will try to find his secret affair. If the idol has a girlfriend they will work to prove that it doesn’t exist.
It worked for Donghae and Eunhyuk… Fans truly believe in their marriage and they work hard to make people believe it. Therefore, they don’t believe in anything else. They may go out with girls and have fun with friends and nobody will doubt about their mutual loyalty.
So, if fans are bothering Chanyeol because they want to know who his secret girlfriend is… My advice would be:
Chanyeol, can get into a fake relationship. It doesn’t matter with whom… they will leave him alone. (Maybe they will send poisoned food to her but…)
It is better if it is with a member of the same group (fans won’t hurt him)… A good friend… they just keep going out like always and have fun together and nobody will pay attention if one of both dates a girl…
At the end… It is impossible to make everybody happy, but it is what most fans want… right?