GENERALIZATIONS

This is the second part of the last post I wrote. You may be thinking that CoreanoLoco may be too rude to Kpop fans, but seriously, his frustration is very logic. Actually the problem is bigger than we may imagine. A few weeks ago there were some conferences at my city’s university because there have been several girls who went to Japan thinking that they had a sexy boyfriend, they were deceived and now they are used for prostitution. Looks like the new trend in Japan are girls from my state. They are looking for a specific kind of girl found here, because our race’s roots are a mix of black women, Arabic women and aboriginal women. They want girls between 18 and 25 years old.

In the conferences they said that this mafia found a girl from the university, using facebook. They added the girl and then they looked on her friend list and found more girls from the same university. Then they moved to the friend’s friends and half of the university is now in Japan.

And you may think that I am not the best person to say that but… how is it possible? Maybe if we talk about younger girls, like high school girls I may believe that they were fooled, but we are talking about university girls that may know a little bit more about international laws… at least.. right? That university is going downhill…. A couple of years ago I was so proud when students threw eggs to a reporter for receiving an award when she was actually saying lies to the whole country…

And then the next I know about the school is that girls believed the promises of a random guy on facebook…

What happened to the revolution that was supposed to start at the universities?

Why did girls believe that? Like if it didn’t happen before. About 15 years ago the same happened in Spain instead of Japan, 10 years ago that “trend” was on Australia… 5 years ago it was on Nordic countries… Now is Japan. And girls still fall for the same promises of love or a good job. But come on!! It is obvious… Let’s say that a country’s minimum wage is $7 per hour… Suddenly, from nowhere a guy comes into your life and tells you: “I have a great job opportunity. You will work as a nanny for rich people for $35 an hour doing nothing. Parents travel a lot. Their children are the whole day at school and you just have to live in their mansion with cooks and maids. Come to Sidney’s airport. Once you are there you have to give me $10,000, your passport and all your IDs”. I am sorry for breaking up the bubble but life is not that beautiful.

It didn’t happen at the international school, or the languages school, because there are students from all around the world that tell you about those countries.

Then the topic changed to people wanting to live in a different country. Talking about Asian countries there was a whole discussion about how hard is for Latin people to fit in the Asian culture. Most of them were girls talking about dating Korean guys. Maybe it was a bad idea to get into that discussion after watching CoreanoLoco’s videos, because I had similar reactions like him.

The problem is that girls apply the same rule indiscriminately and those generalizations may lead to wrong ideas.

I was listening to them and they said things like: “Never date a guy from Tokyo. I don’t like guys from Tokyo, because I’ve met like 3 of them at nightclubs and all of them are drunkards that just want to play with you. Asian guys just want to play with you. They lie to you about anything, they don’t say the truth they are fraudsters”. And I was like “Really? You found a drunken guy at a nightclub and he turned out to be an alcoholic? No way!”. Please stop generalizing. Seriously. I wouldn’t say “Asian guys” I would just say “guys will try to play with you”. It doesn’t matter where you go, you will find a bunch of those guys.

They also said things like “Don’t even think about dating a Korean. They are very racist, and even if the guy is not, his parents will be. His mother will never like you as girlfriend.” But please, don’t generalize like that just saying “A Korean mother won’t like you”. Just change the sentence as “Mothers will never like you”. Mothers never like his son’s girlfriends, it doesn’t matter the race, religion, or economic status… they never like girlfriends. It is against the human nature for a mother to like his son’s girlfriend and for a father to like his daughter’s boyfriend.

And then the topic changed to that movie about a Korean who married an American girl, had a child and then they divorced and the Korean man took the boy to Korean with him and she wasn’t able to see the child anymore and the drama and blahblah… and they were like: “It’s the problem of marrying a guy from a different country. He can take children away from you and you can’t even enter the country to visit them”. Again… men can do that even in the same country as you. There is always a way to torture an ex-wife using children as weapons.

Remember that I used to work at a lawyer’s buffet specialized on divorces and I saw the worst things you can ever imagine. And they were couples living in the same country. Even the most perfect couple can turn into monster at the divorce. Before that I was like “If I find a nice guy I will marry, if not… it doesn’t matter”. Then I was working with the lawyers and I saw so many bad things done by the lawyers and the clients that every time a guy invited me for a date I just yelled “GO AWAY!!! DON’T TOUCH ME!! DON’T TALK TO ME!!! GO AWAY!!!!”.

The point is: Don’t feel afraid or worried about the bad things that Asian guys can do to you… don’t think about races, because men are the same on every single country, every single city.

The problem is that people asking questions and people answering the questions have extremely opposite viewpoints. Let’s be impartial. The most common question is: “Are common Koreans as handsome and sweet as the idols?” and everybody laughed so hard and said “Of course not. It is stupid to think that”. But you know what… it is true!!!  You can find handsome Asians at school. When I was in Canada I moved to a different city and joined a new school. It was a very good school and most students were Asians born in Canada. I was in a special group for people learning English and there arrived a guy from Thailand. And you know what… he was really handsome, like an idol. In that time I didn’t know about idols, so I was so impressed about him. He was very similar to KangNam.

Kangnam-M.I.B

Just like that. That hairstyle and that face. He used to wear makeup in his eyes, I thought it was tattooed because in the school was that trend, and I never saw him without makeup in his eyes, not even once. His hairstyle was perfect every single day too, and he had his hair lights, a bunch of bracelets and rings… and he had very nice clothes, the guy was a real fashionista. (It was very weird for me, because even Mexican girls are not like that)

He was there for about 6 months or less. He didn’t assist to full time school like us. He just went to the English classes. He used to sit beside me at the classroom and he was very handsome, very very handsome. He used to talk to me a lot and he was very sweet.

For me he was just a very nice person, I didn’t even think about him as a close friend… Until I saw the danger approaching… Then I made clear that I had a boyfriend and ran away…

Then Mr.Boyfriend was a jerk and we broke up. (Aishhh…you owe me that Mr.E!!! You owe me that!!!)

Then the guy never talked to me again and a little later he had a girlfriend and they had the sweetest relationship you can ever imagine.  And I was a forever alone looking at their perfect relationship saying “You owe me that Mr.E!!”. Now I can’t watch any Kangnam’s video without thinking “You owe me that Mr.E!!!”.

So, most girls who lived in Korea say: “Don’t move to Korea. Koreans only want you for sex, to play, they are just curious. They won’t have a serious relationship with you”.

And then the dialogue is:

-How did you move to Korea?

-Oh because my father is Korean, he met my mother in Latin America and they got married, had children and lived together for the rest of their lives.

-If Korean boyfriends are that mean, who do you date? Are there Latin guys to date?

-Oh I date Korean guys. Actually now I have a Korean boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years.

– ¬.¬

So I think the problem is not a cultural incompatibility. The problem is overthinking everything against absolutely not thinking.

Life is crazy, very crazy. If we analyze every person’s life we can find the most bizarre situations that we can even imagine. Even if you look at the most boring person, there must be a crazy story. How to find the middle point between being careful and just let yourself to enjoy the craziness?

You know that I tend to overthink everything despite I already realized that I would never know what to expect.

Before moving to Canada I was very proud of myself. I was the best student, life was completely under control and (I don’t want to sound arrogant and mean but) I was used to be called pretty. Seriously, people tell me all the time that I am very pretty. When I moved to Canada, Canadians used to tell me that I was very pretty.

Well, I told you about my “Russian” friends. Looks like Russians have different beauty standards… We were like 5 or 6 Mexican girls and we were very different from each other. In my mom’s opinion I was the prettiest of them but the Russian guys were crazy about a specific girl because she was so beautiful for them. For the Mexican beauty standards, that girl would be ugly, so ugly, but for them she was so beautiful. They were all crazy about her and then her sister. There was another Mexican girl that would be considered as “pretty” for Mexicans, not like “Wow she is stunning” but she was pretty… and she had a Filipino boyfriend crazy for her while Russians didn’t like her at all.

And it was so weird to go to school where everybody doubts about your intellectual abilities just because you can’t explain yourself in English and then your see all your friends crazy about a girl that is very ugly in your opinion.

And you may think that I am jealous, but I wasn’t the only one thinking that… Mexican boys and girls couldn’t understand how Russians were so crazy about that girl. Then I had a Mexican friend who lived in Germany and he told me that it’s the same there. German men like Mexican women that would be ugly for Mexican men.

But it doesn’t mean that I will become a hater of Russians and write hateful things everywhere like some girls do when Asians don’t like them.

Another problem with stereotypes is that people think that every race has a specific personality or that a whole country would be the same, instead of thinking that every person is different and every city is different.

There is another weird situation. A long time ago there was a tv show in Peru. It was a terrible tv show like Jerry Springer’s show (low cost version). I don’t know why they had that show on Mexican television, but it caused a terrible image of Peru in Mexico and most Latin America. For years, every time you met people from Peru they were like “Hello. Nice to meet you. I am from Peru and I just want to say… Peru is not the trash shown on that tv show”. They were so worried because of that bad image. People from other countries really thought that Peru is that ugly, vulgar, dangerous and poor.

The same way I had a friend from Colombia and she always said “Just because I am from Colombia, there are always drug addicts asking me for cocaine. How can I explain that I don’t bring drugs from Colombia? I was born in USA. I don’t even speak Spanish!!!”.

Sometimes we think things like “I want to live at a safe place”. When I moved to Canada, the statistics said that Mexico was one of the most dangerous countries in the world, while Vancouver was on the world’s top 5 better cities to live. And guess what… I’ve faced a robbery only once in my whole life… at Vancouver’s downtown, during the day, outside of the library…

The second day in Vancouver we were in the middle of a gun fight.

A couple of times I was in the middle of a protest while coming back home from school and it was really scary for me. I’ve seen protest in Mexico, but I was so surprised to see protests in Canada. I didn’t expect it.

In that case, Mexico may be more dangerous than Canada, but as far as I grew up in Mexico I know the dangers and how to take care of myself. A different country means different dangers that I may now know or at least I don’t know how to handle a dangerous situation.

In Canada, I was so afraid when I saw people from India and Middle East wearing daggers on their belts… You will never, ever see that on Mexico.

I was so afraid when I found a whole neighborhood in Vancouver, full of homeless people, prostitution, drug addicts at a very deep level… They were dirty, begging on the streets and completely intoxicated, lost and crazy. And I was so shocked because I was expecting a better life in Canada than in Mexico. But in Mexico you will never see that situation. You don’t see homeless people in my city. You may be poor and alone, but not at that low level of poverty or loneliness. It made me feel so insecure and wanted to go back to Mexico immediately because I was thinking: “If I make a mistake in my life… would I end up living like that people?”

Maybe that’s why I didn’t believe all the stories about moving to a certain country to live like rich people, because I already knew that it doesn’t exist. But when people are dreaming about a certain country, and they get obsessed about that goal, even if you explain that life won’t become magically perfect, they won’t understand it.

The same way, sometimes people have a bad image of a certain country or culture and it is very hard to change that view point.

For some reason I only have male friends, I just can’t fit with girls, we can’t even be “almost friends”. I just can’t. I have only had one real true female friend. She was Muslim. And you may be thinking why I end up having a Muslim friend… it is very easy. When I was new at school in Canada, girls approached to me all the time to invite me to lesbian parties… I was completely new in the country, the school and I was so confused… out of the blue girls used to approach to me on the hallways and invited me to those parties. Then there was a huge harassment at the dressing rooms after physical education…  And that’s how I became friend with a Muslim girl.

Can you imagine that? In the dressing rooms the girls were walking around us naked while I was thinking “Nobody has seen me naked”… and my friend couldn’t even take off her veil to show her hair.

It was a cultural problem, I know it. It was so shocking for me and I ran away from all the girls…. I only felt safe with that Muslim girl who had the same problems as me.

We used to stick together and I learned a lot from her culture. I know there are a lot of people hating on Muslims right now… But I really love and cherish that friend and her family. She got married at a very young age and had children, which is normal for her culture but not for mine. When I saw her being such a devoted mother I really admired her. She is one of the nicest persons you can ever imagine, she has a very nice husband and they have a beautiful relationship and family. Her brother is very nice, her parents are very nice and I could learn a lot from them.

Once she explained me how hard was for her to live in Canada. Now she moved to a Muslim country. She explained me how she felt people’s hate in Canada and she feels better in a Muslim country. But most people think that she is crazy for such decision.

Once we moved to an apartment of an Indian couple (not the same of the kitchen-chicken incident) and Latin people told us: “You can’t move to that apartment. Because you are only 2 women, you are alone. They are very sexist. They are used to extremely submissive women. They won’t respect you if there is not a man living with you”. We lived on that apartment just for a couple of months. We had to move out of the apartment because they had fights almost every night and we could hear everything. The women used to yell and throw things at her husband. It was just impossible to handle those neighbors. If we were arriving home and the man was on the garden and just said “Hi, How are you?” the woman went out and yelled “Why are you wasting the time on the garden? Go back in the house now!!!”.

That’s what I mean when I say “Stop generalizing”. This was a conversation with one of the Russian friends:

Russian: Around the world, people like to hire Mexican and Filipino girls as nannies, because they are famous for being very good at taking care of children. They are very dedicated to their children, very affectionate, they kiss and hug children all the time and are very playful with children even if they are not their own children or family. Wherever you go, people will tell you that Mexican and Filipino mothers are the best mothers in the world.

Me: That’s why you are dating a Mexican girl? To make sure your children have a nice mom?

Russian: What? NO! You know I love my girlfriend and I really enjoy time with her, but I would never leave a baby on her hands. Never. I wouldn’t do it under any circumstance. She doesn’t know how to take care of children… I want my children to survive.

Talking about children… You know that I tend to over-think about having children and I get worried easily. When I was making my life-plan I made several questions to myself, like if I wanted to get married and have children. And I felt that I really wanted to have children but I wanted to do my very best. For that I needed to be well prepared and I read lots of books about taking care of children. Then I kept reading and reading and found new things that I didn’t know and difficult situations that I may face as a mom. At some point I felt so burdened that sometimes I really doubted about being a mom. I was thinking about the huge responsibility. And if I doubted about my own abilities as a mother, I couldn’t trust men at all about raising a child together. In that time I added to my life-plan the note: I wouldn’t raise a child with a man unless I find a “penguin daddy”. You know like… if I need to leave him with children alone for 5 minutes and children won’t die for starvation, accidents, fires or “daddy did something really stupid”.

After analyzing men for a couple of minutes I added the note: Penguin Daddies don’t exist.

The reason why I tend to feel very burdened about it is because I am a single child, and I love it I would never regret it, but now as an adult.. If I have a child and something happens to me, like if I die or get sick or have an accident… what would happen to my child? There are no uncles or aunts… And I don’t want to think “My mom will help me” because I’ve seen women that start giving small tasks to their moms and end up relying all the responsibilities on grandmothers and they use it as an excuse to neglect their children. This is an attitude I really, really hate and I don’t want to be like that, so I don’t want to start thinking “My mom will help me”.

As far as I don’t know the future, I can’t make a life plan thinking that I will have my mom or a husband to help me for the rest of my life. It can be even the opposite situation… I may end up taking care of my mom or a husband if something bad happens.

So I want to make sure that I can do this completely by myself. It doesn’t look easy and it is how I feel burdened.

In the middle of that I received a mail from a friend.

It was a Mexican girl married to a guy from Serbia… they told me that just moved to Mexico, they are living at the beach… they had a baby and sent some pictures… And everything looked so easy…

They met in Canada at a nightclub. The next day she woke up at his apartment, they kept living together for a few months and now they are in Mexico married with children.

She doesn’t speak English. He speaks as much English as I do. She speaks Spanish and he speaks Serbian. They tried to learn each other’s language but both failed tragically. They can’t communicate very well to each other…

So I was feeling so burdened while this girl is having a baby with a guy when she can’t even say his name! Sorry we can’t understand the 3 different “S” sound sin his name, we only have 1 “S” sound.

And everything flows so easily and natural…

And I asked her: “How did everything happen so easily for you?” And she just said: “Because life is a bitch”.

It happened a few years ago and I still can’t believe how things turned out like that. I mean, the lack of language is not a problem with a boyfriend… Who needs language when you have kisses? But talking about having children is a whole new level.

The fact is that we can’t generalize people like that just because they are on a certain country or circumstance. Every single person has a personality developed by the environment, genetics and personal unique experiences. Therefore we can find different personalities even on people raised under the “same circumstances”.

If we analyze the personality of every family member, of every neighbor, or a classmate/coworker, even if we are in the same place and do the same things, each person will react in a different way. In the same place we will find people similar to us and very opposite people that we just can’t handle.

And it is the same at every place in the world. Every single person is unique. So please stop thinking that if you go to a certain place or meet a certain race you will find a certain kind of people. It is not like that…

 

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