The dirty secret between Junsu and ShikiShiki
It is well-known that bodyguards know all the dirty secrets that singers have and it’s their duty to keep those secret safe. We usually don’t think about the kind of life that bodyguards have. But what happens when it is actually the bodyguard who has the dirtiest secrets, worse than the singer’s secrets.
Dear Junsu, please be more careful about what your bodyguard does when he is not working.
In this case I want to talk about all the things that most people don’t know about ShikiShiki. Do you know why Junsu says all the time that ShikiShiki is so handsome? Do you know why Junsu has been saying that ShikiShiki is happier those few last months? Do you know what ShikiShiki does when he has a free day?
I am sure most of you don’t know that ShikiShiki speaks perfect Spanish and almost perfect English. His real name is Esteban, no ShikiShiki. When he has a free time he enjoys his hobby: Having a video blog on Youtube where he can do and say everything he can’t do as a bodyguard.
Everyday bodyguard. When Junsu is around ==>
When Junsu is not around ===>
Ok… maybe it isn’t true… I was just joking.
Out of the trolling… I found this video-blogger. His channel is called “Coreano Loco” (Crazy Korean) and this is a very funny person.
He is a Korean, his parents are Korean, but he was raised in Spain. His first language is Spanish, his second language is Korean and he speaks English with Spanish accent. At the end he doesn’t speak any of those languages correctly. I was asked to translate one of his videos, but I can’t. I just can’t. I mean I can understand the main ideas, but don’t ask me to explain every single word.
He doesn’t fit on any of those cultures completely and he has a very funny point of view about everything.
I’ve been watching his videos and it is really funny because people see an Asian guy but he speaks Spanish. He goes to the United States, enter a Korean restaurant, he can’t read the name of the dishes, he is confused and ask for information in English… then you can hear his funny coastal Spanish accent. Sometimes Asians come to him, ask his name and he says “Esteban” and they laugh at his Latin name.
When he grew up he went to Korea to study a career, but he didn’t study it because of 3 very good reasons: 1.- He is very bad at math. 2.- He is a fail with computers and 3.- He had to travel using the subway and he hates it…
He is still living in Korea. He makes music, but everybody expects Kpop. He doesn’t fit in the Korean culture, he really hates all the signs Korean make with their hands. Actually he hates Doramas, Kpop, boybands and idols. He likes reggaeton. The problem is that most Kpop fans hate raggaeton (me included) and it starts fights between him and the viewers.
So he is into reggaeton with black girls with big butt doing twerking, then he looks at the Korean girls and says “Why do you want make a butt-dance when you don’t have any butt? What did you sniff before doing that? Ewww those girls must be from North Korea”. And then the girl’s fans get angry and the war starts.
Then he says things like this.
Esteban: Stupid Kpop fans. You always tell me “You are my idol. I love you!” and then I visit your facebook pages and it says “Kyuhyun’s wife”, then I realize that I am just your side dish just because I am an “almost idol” but I still have a lack of fame…. but you know what.. its ok, because you will come to Korea, you will find out that your idol is gay and then you will meet me and I will have several women.
He is used to the latin weight standards so he makes fun of the Asian weight standards:
Esteban: Stop thinking that you will move to Korea and immediately become rich. People in Korea is not rich, just look at that idol.. he is so thin that i want to send him some money so he can eat. Look at him, he is starving to death..
And here is where the fun starts: He started a video blog, but Kpop fans send messages to him all the time asking things about Korea and Kpop. It is very hard to find somebody who speaks Korean, knows about the Korean culture and can explain it to us in Spanish, also knowing about the Latin culture. He has to bear a real harassment of people asking him things.
So we have 2 extreme personalities. In one side, we have Kpop fans dreaming about moving to Korea to meet their favorite idols… and he hates everything. He just can’t understand the fandom and anything related to Kpop.
So he answers to fan’s weirdest questions but sometimes he feels so desperate because people can’t understand his point… and he gets angry, frustrated and says funny things (with so many bad words). He can be very mean, the meanest he is, the funnier. I don’t judge him, actually I understand him very well… How else can you react to questions like this?
Question: Can I move to Korean and work cleaning in the SM dormitories? Is there a better way to meet my idol?.
Esteban: Do you seriously think that an overpopulated country will import people to work? Just think a little bit please and then you won’t need to make so many stupid questions…
Question: But I can go to teach Spanish… Do I need a degree as teacher? Or just by speaking Spanish fluently can I be a teacher?
Esteban: Please stop killing my brain-cells… How many dicks do you have to eat to end up being that stupid?
Imagine his reaction to these questions and how he tries to explain everything to fans.
Note: I removed 99% of the answer because it is basically bad words.
Question: Are Koreans like the idols and guys in the doramas? Is every Korean that handsome? I mean, would I find Koreans like my idols walking on the streets or at school?
Esteban: No, no! NOOOO! How many times do I have to say that life in Korea is not like life in Doramas. Just because you are looking at me, that handsome, it doesn’t mean that every Korean is as handsome as me. Just ask yourselves. Is life in the Mexican dramas similar to the normal life? NOOOOO!!! Please don’t be stupid… How old are you? Are you a child? No, no, sorry. Children are not that stupid…
Question: Is it true that Koreans doesn’t have sex until they get married and they are very loyal to their wives?
Esteban: Yes. It is true. Just look at me.. I am virgin… I am saving my virginity to a fan… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who told you such stupid things? Stop asking about it. Your idols have sex with models that are much hotter than you… stop living in a bubble!!! FUCK!!!
Question: I love Kpop. Big Bang members are my favorite idols. I want to travel to Korea to meet them, but first I have to ask… Is it true that Koreans have a small penis? And can you please tell me if a Korean would marry a Latin girl?
Esteban: Wait. Wait. Wait… Are you serious? Do you seriously expect to travel to Korean, meet BigBang and get married with them.. and after getting married have sex with them? So you are telling me that you want to know your idol’s penis size first, and then plan the travel to marry them? But first you want to know the size right? HAHAHAHAHAH Is it the reason why you are asking? It will never happen! How many times do I have to say it?? How can I explain it? How.. can.. I… *hyperventilates* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! … Sorry for being that rude… is just that I can’t understand why you keep dreaming about it.
Question: Is it true that every single idol is gay and they have sex with each other?
Esteban: No. The answer is no. They do not have sex with each other because they are saving their virginity until you can come and visit them and make sweet love with you.
Question: Please, answer seriously… Tell me if my idol is gay.
Esteban: *Looks* ehmm.. no.. no.. He is not gay.. he is just a cross-dressed girl.. Your idol is a girl… “Gay” is not enough. I will cut off my right hand if this is not a girl dressed as a man.. and that’s the hand I use the most… to.. make my music…
He is very mean to Kpop fans. Every time they ask a stupid question he blocks and deletes them and he makes a video doing it!! He posts a video with any weird title that may attract the fans and then he talks about anything but the topic of the title. Like this video. It is called “AIDS in Kpop” and actually he makes fun of a group called “SIDA” Which means AIDS in Spanish.
There are only 2 cases where is says he would be respectful: Big Bang and Key. And he said “This guy, (Key), he is my fan, so I will forgive him, it doesn’t matter what kind of shit he does, I will forgive him. He can do whatever he wants. ”
Now please admire his fluent English.