People are crazy

I just realized that I haven’t told you enough about myself. I will tell you more about me, and maybe you will understand little bit more about me, my situation and how it influences my viewpoints when writing.

Maybe you are asking, if I love psychology so much, why I am not working as a psychologist? I never saw psychology as something to get money from. I love psychology so much, and I do it because I love it, but I don’t like to use it as a way to pay my bills. Actually the main reason is… if I was working as psychologist probably I would be living under a bridge by now.

Then I found the perfect career for me. It requires a little bit of knowledge in every area. I never get bored. Every day I work on a different area. I have to study about different things. That’s why this job is perfect for me.

When I chose his job, I was looking for something with a specific characteristic: I wanted to have flexible time. Thinking on a long term, I have to take care of my family by myself, and I want to be able to be absent to my job for a day or two.

It is not a glamorous job, and I may get more money doing something else, but it has everything I can ask for.

The original career was hotel management but I don’t work as a hotel manager. I worked on a hotel and it is crazier than you can imagine and I was just in charge of the worker’s schedules… I ran away from the hotel😄

A warning for all the new students: Hospitality and Hotel Management is not as glamorous as it looked at the school’s pamphlet.

But it was the first step to my actual job. Basically I take care of other people’s properties on lease. The apartments are not mine; I just take care of them. I do everything. Somebody has an apartment for lease, I do the proper promotions, I get the tenants, I keep the place beautiful, I do any fixes, I made the contracts and I make sure tenants obey those contracts.

My city is famous for having very good schools and universities. We receive lots of foreign students every year, looking for apartments to rent. The city is very old, with old buildings and a terrible lack of space. We have old houses in the downtown that can’t be demolished “because it is part of our history”… and there are modern buildings on the outskirts. I am in a middle point so there are small houses and apartments. I only work with apartments for students and temporary workers. That means hotels per month, rooms, shared apartments and very, very small cheap apartments.

So basically my life is about all the crazy things teenage tenants do.

I love my job, you have no idea how much I enjoy it (especially when I can use heavy machines).

Please don’t misunderstand what I am about to write. I love my job, but the frustrating part is the funny part.

(Please understand that I am learning on the way)

My boss is nice, she always tells me “It is better to have a young woman on that job because tenants are about your age and they feel more comfortable to express their real personalities, plus you have more patience. I tried to do it by myself, but I just can’t handle so much stupidity. That’s why you are the one for this job ^_^”.

Of course not everyone believes that. I am fine to make deals with young people, but when they are looking for an apartment with their parents…. Ahhhh parents just drive me crazy. I don’t know if psychology helps me or not, because I pay attention to things that other people don’t.

Parent’s most common comments:

Situation:

“How old are you? Do you have the age to sign a contract? How do I know you will keep the order in the building if you have the same age as my son? Who will be responsible in case of an emergency? They won’t obey to you, they don’t obey me.. why do you think that they will obey you? Who will keep the order in this place? If somebody starts a party you will join the party instead!”

Situation:

Mother to father: “I don’t like that place. That girl will flirt to my boy and he will not focus on his school. He is too innocent. I would prefer a building without girls”. (Do you realize that he is about to go to university?)

retro-mom-angry-280x280

Situation:

Me to the student: Do you like this apartment? Or do you want to see another one?

Student: [with a great smile and bright eyes] We already saw 3 apartments and I like this one. It is perfect.

Mother: I don’t like it. Let’s see another one. *grabs her jacket and leaves*

**//**

Usually, teenagers take everything easy and make the deal in 5 minutes. It is not that hard to work with a bunch of horny teenagers feeling freedom for the first time. They just don’t worry about anything… and they are not greedy. This is one of the most common conversations with parents:

(Let’s say that the average price for an apartment is $1,000 to make math easier)

Advertisement: “Furnished apartment for rent. Very cheap. $700 per month. Utilities not included. Very good location.”

Mother: The apartment looks fine. Let’s talk about the other services. I know the apartment cleaning is usually once a day, but I would like to have that service twice a day.

Me: I’m sorry. Cleaning is not included. The price only includes the rent of the apartment and the furniture that you can see here.

Mother: What? But my girl is a princess. She has never touched a broom. You can’t ask her to clean her room! I live to clean my daughter’s house so she never needs to clean anything!!! Ok… I will hire somebody. What time do you wake up the boys?

Me: (This is not the army)… I only lease the apartment, but the boys have to take care of themselves.

Mother: What time does the car leave?

Me: Excuse me?

Mother: Yes, when you take children to school. Is it a safe car? Can I see it? Who will be my daughter’s driver?

Me:  (Are you f*** serious? She is 24 years old! Take the bus like the rest of the people  ¬.¬). Sorry. Transport not included, only the room and the furniture.

Mother: But she gets lost easily. Every time she needs to go somewhere, she goes with me. She is never alone. She doesn’t know the city. Can you go with her? Please. Just to make sure she doesn’t get lost. She will go to ______ School.

Me: Sure, it’s about 4 blocks from here. If you see through the window you can see the traffic light. On that corner turn right and walk 3 blocks and there is the school. We can go right now. It will only take 10 minutes and I will show you….

Mother: No, no. There is no need to do it right now. Anyway you will go with her every day.

Me: O.O What? Every day? No I meant….

Mother: School starts at 7 am. You leave her at the school and go back to pick her up in the afternoon to eat and you will ask her if she needs to go back to school or to go somewhere else for a group project or something….

Me: *facepalms* Nanny Service is not included, only the room and the furniture… Do you realize that this is the cheapest price in the area??? greedy bitch… If you want a bodyguard you have to pay for it.  (Maybe I didn’t say that…)

Mother: About the food. She is on a very special diet. Every morning she will take fresh fruit, at least 5 different fruits… Grapes without the skin, please. Oh, she doesn’t like papaya. Never use it!! Make sure the fruit is not too cold. If she wants something sweet you can put a little bit of honey and…

Me: Food is not included. (Come on!!! Price.. do you see the price? Do you understand how cheap is this price for an apartment!?)

Mother: What? I can’t believe it! Then, what is the price without the food? … What will she eat? She doesn’t know how to cook!

Me: Don’t worry. Students usually come here and learn to cook little by little. She will learn. She can start with fruit and sandwiches. She only needs a knife, a cutting board and a plate.

Mother: A knife?!?!?! A KNIFE?!?!!?  She has never used a knife in her life! She may have an accident! How can you say such things? My princess… with a knife on her hands? I wouldn’t relax thinking about it.

Jenni-in-a-Calmer-Moment

Me: It is not that hard. We have students who are 16 years old and can live by themselves fine. Usually parents feel worried thinking that their son will get in trouble but it doesn’t happen as often as parents think. They learn little by little and after a couple of months are more careful and mature than you can imagine.

Mother: No. I am sorry for this waste of time. My princess preparing her own fruit… haha it sounds hilarious… Maybe she is not ready for that. I told her to stay at home. *grabs her jacket and goes to the door* I don’t know why I thought she could do that. Being alone, in a different city… preparing her the fruit by herself…. Blablablabla

**//**

When the interview is between students and me, things are very different.

Student: What are the permissions and prohibitions? Can I make parties?

Me: No. Absolutely no. No parties, no more people living in the apartment, no pets. You can’t make big noises, especially at night. Just think if you may bother your neighbor… What would bother you if you are trying to sleep?

Student: I don’t make noises, I just like to play music all the time but not so loud. You will not notice it.

When she moved in… her speakers where bigger than my microwave.

**//**

Basically there are 3 kinds of people:

1.- The ones that check everything, every faucet, every lamp, every drawer, every window. They check the mattress by uncovering it. After signing the contract they take pictures to make sure how was the apartment and how they give it back after living on it.

2.- The ones that check nothing. They just say “Oh! The room is blue! It is my favorite color. I take it.”

3.- The ones that check everything. They turn on the faucet; they turn on every light, they open every drawer… but they don’t turn off the faucet and don’t close the drawers. They check the mattress by jumping on the bed. They take pictures to show the apartment to their friends, family and neighbors.

**//**

Talking about the stereotypes: I had lots of “The good tenant and the bad tenant living together”.

There were 2 students. They were “cousins”. One of them was a very shy nerdy guy, very mature. He was studying architecture, and very often was up late at night doing homework. I was so happy because he was a great tenant. A few months later he asked to bring his cousin. There was no problem with the contract so I said yes. Let’s call him tenant A and his cousin tenant B.

His cousin spent most of his time on the gym. The first week he broke 3 tiles because he dropped his dumbbell (yes he was doing exercises on the kitchen).

After a month, I didn’t get the rent payment. I called the tenant A and asked about the payment. He said: “But I give the money to my cousin a week ago.” And it was the beginning of fights for the money. One earns the money while the other one spends the money on everything but their basic needs.

The next month we had the same issue. So I went personally to get the money. I knocked the door and there was a sweaty Tenant B with short shorts, shirtless, big muscles, some tattoos and… I didn’t know that they could shave chest hair to get any specific shape… He smiled and immediately said “Oh, I don’t have your money… but you can come in and we can talk about it…”

And I was like “Do I really look like I need to hire a prostitute?” God! It was the most disgusting and offensive thing in my life. I really wanted to punch him in the face…

The next weeks I saw that guy “visiting” the girl’s apartments. He was going from one apartment to another… and you know that it means troubles between tenants for sure. After some time I received a call from another tenant, he was very angry to that guy. It was late at night and the tenant sounded so angry, he even said “I will call the police!”. I got to the apartment as fast as I could. I was expecting troubles but…

Tenant A was on another city for a couple of days, so Tenant B decided to make a party. They were really drunk, making noise, with loud music… and there was Tenant B with other 3 guys, on the balcony, peeing over a car (owned by another tenant).

I will not say what happened next… I will just say that I have the keys for the electricity supply and eviction notices that say “48 hours….“

I think it was the worst tenant I have ever had.

balcony-hoppers

Well there was another one, but she was in the city just for a week. She came for a martial arts tournament. She was very good and expected to win but somehow she lost the tournament on the first round of battles. She came back to the apartment, 2 hours later she left without calling me. When I went to the apartment… *sighs* the curtains were ripped off, there was a broken broom, one of the faucets was broken and the kitchen was flooded. Ok she was angry and frustrated… but why did she choose to destroy my apartment to relieve the anger? Don’t they learn to control the anger while learning martial arts?

Facebook Party House-Interiors of trashed house in Billericay,Essex. 12.12.2012

Oh and I already told you about the tenant who broke the toilet because tried to step on it to reach the light bulb or something like that.

We call those tenants “The Destroyer” or “Fire Hands” They are like Midas but on the opposite way, they destroy whatever they touch.

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It is the kind of tenant that every time you see him he is like:

“Hi! Oh the fridge, is not working. Can you check it? please. It is weird because you bought it 3 months ago…”

“Hi. Look I bought a new table, but when I brought it home I broke the door’s glass”.

“Hi. I am taking care of my girlfriend’s dog, but he just bitten the wood parts of the bed.”

But at least they are honest about what they do:

Tenant1: Hi. Do you know where can I get new curtains? I burnt mine.

Me: Why did you burn the curtains, if they are far away of the stove?

Tenant1: Because my frying pan was on fire. So I took it and ran in circles in the apartment while holding the pan LOL.

Woman with anguished expression holding burning frying pan in domestic kitchen

Me: O.O

Tenant2: Yeah! I was there. He put too much oil on the pan and then put the food and the oil spilled over, then it got fire and that dude was like “Why is it on fire?” and I was like “I have no idea” and he yelled and ran away. He didn’t know what to do. I took a wet cloth and tried to put over the pan but he didn’t stop and he was yelling like a little girl. Hahaha

Me: O.O

Tenant1: I didn’t yell. But it was raining so I ran outside and the rain stopped the fire.

Tenant2: Be thankful it was raining because you ran towards the gas containers LOL idiot.

Tenant1: Am I the idiot? Do you remember when you tried to turn on the boiler and the house almost exploded?

Tenant2: It wasn’t me. It was my neighbor….

B_OKKdVU4AA3s8l

Tenant1: Ohhh The one I stole chocolates from her? Once she forgot her keys and guess who now has a copy of them LOL. She always has candies besides her bed.

Me. O.O

Talking about teenage tenants…. Some of them tend to change their mind every 5 minutes. I had a tenant who leased an apartment because he had troubles with his parents and left the house. His parents were bothering him a lot, he was angry and had enough money to lease his own apartment. He leased the apartment, he paid the rent and said “I will bring my belonging tomorrow”. And never came back! He didn’t call me, I wasn’t able to contact him and I supposed that he solved the problems with his parents and decided not to move out.

3 months later, I was walking on a hall at 10pm. I was just checking that everything was closed and I was ready to go to sleep (I used to live in the same place). Then I heard weird noises. Everything was dark. Then I saw a man trying to open the door of an empty apartment. He was carrying a huge Stillson wrench and seemed weird, intoxicated.

In that time, we were only girls in the whole building. I got afraid and I thought he was some kind of thief. I ran to my apartment and called my mom (Don’t laugh please). Suddenly I heard a familiar voice saying “The sofa is too heavy and too big to go up the stairs until the third floor.”

Then you can imagine this girl, with a baseball bat on one hand and pepper spray on the other hand. I turned on the hall’s lights and… There was the tenant who never came back! 3 months later, at midnight. And he wasn’t intoxicated, he was crying because his parents kicked out him. He was there, with the wrench on the floor and a giant fish tank (with fishes and water) on his hands, crying while his teenage friend tries to move a giant sofa stuck on the stairs. Then I saw a little white dog. One of those girly dogs, so small that look more like a toy instead of a real dog. And the guy only said: “My girlfriend is on a vacation. I told her I would take care of her dog… but.. my parents… *cries* I don’t have where to sleep tonight… *cries more* and the sofa got stuck… and I forgot my fishes food… My keys don’t work anymore *cries even more* I don’t want to sleep at the park”.

Ohhh I know… this guy was very similar to Key, imagine the Mexican version of Key, with the same kind of clothes, holding a fish tank, a girly dog and crying on the hall at midnight. Hahaha. *facepalms*

key

At the end, I know everything about their personal life, even if I don’t want to, even if I don’t ask anything. But it is hard not to notice a couple fighting every day for 3 months. Then the woman moves out looking really angry. Then when you go to get the maintenance payments, the man is eating alone, sitting on the bed, eating directly from a can, with a beard and a dirty shirt… and saying “This is my last month living here.. I am moving out because… ehm… I got a promotion at my job and they are asking me to move to a bigger city… My wife is already there looking for a new apartment… that’s why she is not there. But we are very happy”.

Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/28707

 **//**

Until now I’ve learned that:

Do not lease apartments to couples. I had a recently married couple, and they were all day together. She was on the first floor and you could hear her laugh at the 3rd floor. One day my mom was talking to her neighbors and my mom said “I like that couple. They are happy and it makes me feel happy. You can feel good vibes at the moment you enter the building. He must be a very fun man, she is laughing all the time”.

And the neighbors looked at each other and said: ”But she is not laughing… It is just that you don’t hear the sex noises between each laugh… but we are closer”.

Ahhh the noisy people…. wherever you go…  There is always a noisy couple. One day my mom and I were talking on the balcony. We had a noisy couple on the next floor. Beside our house is a store. One of the store workers was taking the trash out and was walking just down our balcony. Suddenly we could hear a really loud scream… and even the worker could hear that. First he was shocked, then he was looking around him and didn’t understand what was going on. He just dropped the garbage bag and ran away.

Don’t lease to couples. There is nothing worse than the guy with mommy issues. I lease the apartment to a couple, and there is always the guy’s mom… saying that she doesn’t like this, doesn’t like that… doesn’t like the place, doesn’t like the guy’s job, doesn’t like whatever the girl does… and is knocking at my door every time there is something that she doesn’t like.

Again, parents are too greedy. They want their sons to live in a castle for a cheap price. There are different kinds of tenants. Some are so bad that you see it in the interview. I talk to them, analyze their answer and I decide if I give them the apartment.

Have you ever heard the phrase “I won’t admit people who can’t follow/read/understand basic directions”. Well I am like that, call me Hitler if you want, but i can’t work with people who don’t listen.

Ad: “Apartment for rent. $1,000per month +$1,000 as deposit/guarantee. Utilities not included. 1 bedroom. 2nd floor. Beautiful balcony. Only 3 apartments in the property. Not furnished. No children, no pets. Great location. Address: 123 Toronto St. on the corner with Montreal St. At Vancouver B.C. Blue house in front of the subway station, beside a Dollar store. Visits are by appointment only. To make an appointment call at xxx-xx-xxx from 8 am to 5 pm. Monday to Friday”.

For me, it is very clear.. then why do people do this? Every time my phone rings:

Situation1:

Client: Hi. We have an appointment but I can’t find the apartment. I am in at the address but I can’t find it.

Me: Do you see Montreal St.?

Client: Yes.

Me: Do you see the Dollar Store?

Client: No.

Me: Are you at the subway station?

Client: No. There is no subway close. Actually I am at the city’s outskirts.

Me: The apartment is not in the outskirts… You have to go to the subway station.

Client: Ahhh Toronto is a very confusing city.

Me: Toronto? The apartment is on Vancouver.

Client: No, it says Toronto. I need an apartment on Toronto.

Me: The address is Toronto Street… not Toronto City. *facepalms*

Situation2:

Client: I can’t find the address.

Me: Are you at the Subway station?

Client: Yes.

Me: Exactly in front of you are a restaurant, a yellow house, a Dollar store, and a blue house on the corner.

Client: I see the restaurant, a street and a dollar store.

Me: Beside the Dollar store is a blue house. That’s the house… and then is the street.

Client: No, there is an alley with lots of flowers.

Me: *facepalms* It’s a garden.. behind the garden is a yellow house. I’ll go get you…

Situation3

Saturday December 31st at 11pm, the phone rings: “Hi. I want to see the apartment tomorrow morning”. (I am not exaggerating. It happened).

Situation 4:

Client: Hi. I want to see the house…

(At the moment people say “house” instead of apartment, I know there is something wrong…)

Client: Is the balcony safe for children? How many bedrooms does it have?

Me: No children allowed. It has 1 bedroom.

Client: But I need at least 3 bedrooms. Awww. Anyway… I have 2 dogs, how big is the garden?

Me: No pets allowed. It is an apartment on a 2nd floor it doesn’t have a garden.

Client: Awww I liked the balcony. Can I see it tomorrow?

Me: (Why do people ask to see an apartment that obviously won’t work for them?) I have another apartment that may work better for you…

Client: I want this one. How many bedrooms does it have?

Me: (Did you read the ad? Or are you too stupid to understand it?)

Client: Oh I don’t read the ads, I just copy every phone number and call on every single ad.

Situation5:

Client: I saw the white apartment yesterday. I really like it. It is sure that I will take it. The location is perfect. I just want to see you again for the last details. It is sure, don’t show the apartment anymore, Ok? I will take it.

*30 minutes later*

Same Client: Hi. I just saw your ad about a blue apartment. Can I see it tomorrow?

Me: We already have an appointment for tomorrow….

Client: Are you the girl of the white apartment? Oh.. ehm.. I was.. I am just.. ehm…. Sorry wrong number….

Situation6

The phone rings on a Monday at 6pm.

Client: Hi. I want to see the apartment.

Me: Ok, let’s make the appointment. When do you want to see it?

Client: As soon as possible.

Me: Tomorrow morning is ok?

Client: But I am outside of the apartment. I was thinking like… in 5 minutes?

Me: I’m sorry I can’t.

Client: Please, I am already here.

Me: I’m sorry I am at the other side of the city. It would take at least an hour to get there.

Client: Awww ok. Let’s make an appointment. Sunday at 9pm, please understand, I work until late.

Me: ¬.¬ ok.

Tuesday:

Client: Hi. It looks like I’ll be busy. Can we change the appointment to Friday at noon? Please

Wednesday:

Client: Hi. Maybe I’ll be a little late to the appointment, but please wait for me. I will go between noon and 4p.m.

Me: (Do you want me to sit at the door and wait for you for 4 hours? I have a schedule, in case you didn’t know…)

Friday Morning

Client: I can’t go today. Please cancel the appointment. I will call you later for a new appointment.

Sunday at 3pm:

Same Client: Hi. I got a few minutes after lunch time. Can I see the apartment now? But fast please, I need to go back to my job in 15 minutes. I’ll leave in 10 minutes, in case you come here and don’t find me.

Me: I can’t (!!!!!) I am in another city right now.

Client: Please, I am already outside. It is a very bad service, I’ve come to the apartment several times and you can never show me the apartment. Why can’t you show me the apartment now?

Me: Because my schedule is full with people who DO have an appointment… stupid idiot… Stop calling me!!! (maybe I didn’t say that).

Client: This is too much problem. I will send my wife tomorrow morning. She will be in charge of everything, because I am too busy.

Monday Morning there is a woman, with her mother and 3 small children jumping from the kitchen countertops and she said: “Maybe it is too small… I need a room for the children, a room for my mom and a room for my sister… and there are no schools in the area. This area is not good for children”.

**//**

I have some really good apartments, and people wait for them, so I can be very picky at the moment of choosing a tenant. Especially on the building I live… Please understand me, I will live with that people. Sometimes, at the interview I see something that I don’t like from the client but I can’t tell him not to lease the apartment. Like when somebody smokes so much that they smell like cigarettes all the time and when they leave, the apartment smells like cigarettes for the next 6 months…. Do you understand me, right?

So now I have some unprofessional good tricks.

Client: The apartment is for me and my mom. We like that apartment. It is big enough. I am sure we will take it. Just a question… Is there so much noise during the night?

Me: No. I live on the next floor and I am the first one who must obey the rules. I will not make any noise at night.

Client: Then, it’s a deal.

Me: Ok I’ll get the papers. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.

When I came back the woman was talking to her mother.

Client: We can put a shelf on that corner. And the Holy Death statue can go there… with the candles there… on the other corner we can put the table…. In the window we can put the sign saying “Card reading”.

Mother: I like it because it is the first apartment. The main door is a few steps away. The guys can come in at midnight, we will do the ritual and leave. Nobody will notice it.

I went back to my apartment and grabbed grandma’s purse: It has a Bible, a couple of books and the latest magazines “Awake!” and “Watchtower”.

Me: I think everything is ready. *hands out the contract to the woman and hands the magazine to the mother* While your daughter reads the contract… Would you like something to read? If you like the magazine, we have much more. They are very interesting. In this family, we have a strong faith. That’s why you can be sure that we will not have parties or do bad things. We live under the law of Jehovah…. ^_^

Mother: *Grabs her jacket* We will see other apartments and we will call you back.

**//**

I don’t understand why, but even if I say it is an apartment for university students, and everything was made for them, there are all the time families with little children. But I had a tenant who always helped me with that.

Client: I like the apartment. It has 3 bedrooms. It is perfect for my husband, and my 4 children.

*Child is trying to get his head stuck on the stair rail*

Client: I take it ^_^ I’ll go to my car and get the money. *Leaves*

Tenant: She got children.

Me: I know… And she likes the apartment. She has a recommendation of the owner. I can’t tell her not to lease it.

Tenant: Do you want me to get rid of her? I’ll be back in a minute, just get me some time.

Me: She looks like a very traditionalistic mother…

The woman comes back and I start to talk while the child is hanging over the edge of the stairs in the second floor. Then my tenant comes out. We were on the first floor and he was on the second floor, which has a balcony. He looks at us from the balcony. He is openly gay. Usually he doesn’t look gay, but he knows how to use the bad stereotypes of gays to play with people. He comes out with giant sunglasses, leggings, a colorful shirt and a popsicle.

Tenant: Oh!! You are there girl!! Hiiiiiiiii. *waving violently* Aww you have a friend. Hi friend!!! OH-MY-GOD!! A beautiful child!!! Hi child!! We will have so much fun together. ^_^ Oh girl, I am sooooo tired. I am getting everything for today’s party. We will not make any noise or drink too much alcohol… Pinky Promise. *Crosses fingers* You can come if you want. We will get some manicure, and some hair lights, and I will show you my new hair dryer…. *Checks her phone* Aishhhh my boyfriend is late again. I already told him that I don’t like it, but you know how men are… He doesn’t pay attention to me anymore… Is it because I am getting fat? I wouldn’t get fat if we had sex more often… I will call him right now… This is enough!!! Darling, if I break up with him today, we can go to a club or something this weekend. I’ll be back in the game bitches!!! Yay!!!

Woman: *Grabs her child* I’ll come back with my husband and see if he likes it. I’ll call you later.

**//**

There a few good tenants that you can see immediately. When at the first interview they say things like:

“I am in the city for a special job. I will be there one year, but maybe I will move out before. I want to have everything clear since now. I will take the apartment. I have to go with my boss and tell him that I chose this apartment and he has to ‘approve’ the payment. It may take a few days and he will do everything to get a cheaper price. But I want this apartment and I don’t want to lose it. So I will pay you now with my own money. I have some savings, so don’t worry. I will pay to you even if the approval is delayed, and I will fight with my boss to get my money. But I promise, I won’t be late with the payment.”

And she was never late, not even once❤

Do you want to know who the best tenants are? Gays. Girls always say that they clean their house and cook and are the best housewives… bunch of lies… Girls are the dirtiest, are noisy, quarrelsome, territorial, they start rumors, are jealous of other girls and at any moment they leave to move with their boyfriends.

But gays, they keep everything clean, they cook very well, they have a very good taste on decoration, and the most important fact… they have more money!! When a couple doesn’t have children, and both work the whole day, there is more money. This is the difference between gay tenants, girls, and boys:

Me: Where are the curtains?

Gay: Those curtains looked EWWWW. I got new ones. There are your curtains. I took them to the laundry, and they are packed on this box. Thank you so much.

Girl: Who was the idiot who chose those curtains? (Me ¬.¬). The curtains are too close to the stove and I burnt them. They are on the garbage already.

Boy: Which curtains? Did I have curtains? Are you sure the apartment had curtains?

Me: Yes you had curtains. Have you been living without curtains for 4 months?

Boy: Oh! That’s why the neighbor told me that people shouldn’t cook naked?

Situation:

Me: Hi, today is payday.

Gay: Oh yes. *looks at boyfriend* Did you hear her? Pay! What are you waiting for? She has things to do. Oh and I want new shoes too…

Girl: Hi I have your payment.

Me: Can you wait a little bit please? Let me finish with this tenant, and I’ll go to your apartment in 5 minutes.

*5 minutes later*

Me: Hi. I am free now.

Girl: Sorry, I don’t have your money.

Me: What? You said….

Girl: I had the money. But you didn’t take it. it took so much time and I received my phone’s bill, so I paid the phone and now I don’t have the money. I told you to take the money. But now you have to wait until my dad makes a new deposit.

Me: You have the money on the table, I can see it.

Girl: Oh… that money? Oh… I will use it. Come back in an hour and I’ll have it.

Boy’s apartment *knocks for 5 minutes* Boy comes out, he is sleepy, wearing yesterday’s clothes and smelling like alcohol.

Boy: What day is today? Oh yeah… the money.. I’ll get my wallet… Where is my wallet? Oh yeah, under the bed… Sorry I went the bank yesterday, I got the money and then I found my friends. They invited me to a party, but don’t worry.. your money is here on my walle–… Oh shit…

Situation:

Gay: My boyfriend wants me to move to his apartment, but no. I will not do it. I need time by myself. What if we have a fight? I don’t want to sleep with him. I want my own room or my own apartment. “I want to be with you all the time” Yeah, sure. He wants a maid to clean his apartment, a cook and a sex slave. No, no, no. I will stay on my own apartment and he has to keep paying for it.

Girl: I told him. We must get married before June. Time is passing and I will not wait for him one more month. This is an ultimatum. I’ll tell him that I am pregnant or something. But this is my last month single. I need at least an engagement. So this is my last month on the apartment. Don’t take it personal.

Boy: I am leaving. My mom told me she is worried because I am losing weight. She says I need homemade food. And she says that my clothes look ugly because I didn’t iron my shirt properly. She says that it is dangerous for me to live alone. She says that I am working too much and it is better if I come back with her. I am moving out today. Sorry I couldn’t tell you before. I have everything already packed on the car.

Me: Is it because the ghost you saw on the stairs?

Boy: No…

Me: Ok… Then it’s a good bye… Oh you forgot your night light.

**//**

At first I was a little afraid of having such responsibility.

Me: What will happen if the tenants steal something expensive?

CoWorker1: You have to be ready for everything. Once, my tenants stole the kitchen’s cupboards. The ones that go over the stove… and the closet’s doors too.

Me: O.O

CoWorker2: Once, a mad tenant destroyed a whole wall in the apartment and ran away. But it was my fault I got him mad.

Me: O.O!!!!

Now I am used to the job and i can be a dictator who totally and cruelty controls all over the place.

There are some eternal fights that I have had over and over again. Sometimes tenants and clients just drive me crazy and I end up being really stressed, so stressed that I only want You-Know-Who to hug me, give me a sweet kiss on my cheek and say softly “Everything will be ok… now put down the knife…”

The main fight: Do not let the doors open!!!

Come on!! We live in Mexico, it is dangerous. The streets are full of crazy people. I just can’t understand it. They enter the place, leave the door open and enter their apartment.

We have things on the courtyard and I don’t want those things to get stolen. There was a guy who had a motorcycle. He used to enter the house, with his motorcycle. He left the motorcycle in the middle of the courtyard and left the doors open. And I was like ”Don’t cry when you get your motorcycle stolen”.

There are some people who own dogs, and some people who leaves the doors open… then we have lost dogs. I have a dog and I don’t want my dog to get lost too.

Sometimes I am coming down the stairs and find random people in the halls.

Situation1:

Me: (Who are you and why are you there?) Hi. May I help you?

Random: Hi. I am selling tamales… Do you want to buy tamales?

Situation2:

Me: Hi… ???

Man: Hi.

Me: Do you need anything?

Man: I am fine thank you. I am just waiting.

Me. Waiting for…??

Man: For my clothes. It is a hidden laundry, hard to find but the price is really cheap and they have very good service.

Situation3

I was doing some fixes on an empty apartment. I went from the bedroom to the living room and there was a family looking at it.

Me: (WTF?)

Random: Hi. We were knocking the door. A nice girl let us to enter and showed us the apartment. We like it. But she left and it looks like she is not coming back.

The worst fact is that I thought I was alone in the apartment. When I have an appointment I wear formal clothes, (you know, I have to look professional) but when I am doing fixes, gardening or painting, I wear clothes according to the job. So I was wearing a cap to cover my no-hairstyle, a shirt with paint on it, ripped jeans, old shoes, and a giant bubblegum. My dog was illegally on the apartment and I had loud music that I was singing on the most embarrassing way. I really thought I was alone T.T

The point is that it is not nice to find the scandalmonger old neighbor lady walking on the building and looking at everything just because somebody left the doors open. I am not only talking about the main doors… the apartment’s doors too. Sometimes I am walking on the hall and I see an apartment with the door open and nobody is there. And I am like “What’s going on with this people?”. There are rally random situations.

Me: Why is there a hole on the fence?

Tenant: You said that we shouldn’t let the doors open, but my dog needs to go out and it is too bothering to walk my dog every night.

Me: So you decided to make a hole in the fence? There is not even a door on the hole!! Do you realize why we have a fence? It is to avoid unwanted people to enter the house.

Tenant: But it is just a small hole.

Me: A small hole? If your golden retriever can go through the hole… a person can do it too.

**//**

There is a very small line between being friendly to the tenants and breaking up the respect and the business relationship. One main fact is not to give the personal information of the tenants

Tenant1: Who’s the sexy girl?

Me: What?

Tenant2: Yes, the blonde girl. She is so cute. Do you know where she lives?

Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Tenant1: I am sure she lives on the 4th floor. I heard her going down the stairs every night.

Me: There are no girls on the building, all the tenants are men.

Tenant1: She moved a couple of weeks ago. And the 4th floor was empty. I know she lives there. Can you tell me her name or something about her? Please.

Tenant2: She goes down every night and comes back every morning. I love her hair and she is so beautiful. She has a sweet smile.

Me: There are no girls on the building.

Tenant2: No, I saw her. She goes down the stairs every night, with a miniskirt and high heels. She has long blond hair and… What do you mean with “There are no girls?”

**//**

At the end, I prefer to have gay guys as tenants. No adults, no children, just people about my age. Actually at some point there was a whole building full of boys and girls between 16 and 22 years old… all of them were otakus. They went together to the movies to the Comic Con (in a city full of students there are comic cons every 4 months), there was music all the time (only Kpop and Jpop), and they gathered to talk about comics, G-Dragon, The Avengers, the Beatles and The Simpsons.

But the school year ended and they are gone😦 I will miss them.

**//**

I think I have everything under control now. There are no problems with tenants, everybody is respectful and at the same time we are good friends. (And yes, I already warned you, I am a dictator). I am in charge of lots of things and I can manage the responsibility very well. I am learning a lot about fixing things at home and about law. Every day is different so I never get bored….

I can spend the whole day on the computer answering mails, checking the ads, answering the phone etc. The next day I can be painting an apartment. The next day I spend the whole day going from one side of the city to another, showing apartments and on appointments.

At the same time, I have not a specific work timetable. I have to meet certain goals, doesn’t matter how. I can take some days free in case I am sick, or my mom is.. but if I have to get something done, i would be working until midnight.

Sometimes I get mentally tired, like when I have to check the contracts and I know I can’t make a mistake there. Sometimes the job is very glamorous and I am with elegant clothes in front of a computer talking like a lawyer… Sometimes I have to clean a house, to paint it, to re-arrange the furniture, to do gardening and I end up so tired, and just wanting a hot bath.

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Sometimes tenants like to see us working and they come and help, even if it is not their job, they do it just because they want to. But sometimes they are not there when we are working, and sometimes it is better because they don’t see things like… we have a huge wardrobe, and my mom and I try to move it from the first floor to the 3rd one, and we have a very hard time because it is bigger than the stairs and when we reach the 3rd floor and there are only 3 steps left.. the wardrobe turns over the stair rail and fells down 3 floors, and breaks down into little pieces…

After every hard day of working, there’s always a tenant saying “Hey, you look tired. There is some cold water and a plate of lasagna, so you don’t have to cook. You may be hungry”. That’s another reason to love gay tenants, they cook, they clean and they have the strength of a man when they see that something is too heavy for us.

It is a fun job. Have to pay attention to little details, always expect the worst and pray every night for not having a crazy man outside of your door. Sometimes I just want to turn off the phone for days and sleep happily without people calling at random times. I may be doing things that other people prefer to pay for, but I am too obsessive about things getting done correctly. This house’s motto is “If you want things done correctly, do it by yourself”.

And I get tired, but when I see people going at the office every day, at the same time, with the same uniform, doing exactly the same boring things… I am really thankful for my job. I had one of those jobs and it is not my way. I like this job because I learn about everything, from architecture, to law, to marketing, to public relationships… That’s what I like. ^_^

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