Emotion Revolution

Posted in PARA PENSAR on June 10, 2017 by Un Espejo Para Mi Alma

What is the Emotion Revolution?

The most harmful attitude for humans is being indifferent. When a person doesn’t feel happy, angry, sad, offended or excited their minds and souls are absent and they become like a zombie, a robot that just keeps going on without actually living. That’s why we need to keep things changing. If we feel it means we are alive.

Kpop idols can be a clear example of that process because we can see them every day. Let’s check Hyoyeon’s process.

This is her latest music video:

It is a strong concept therefore it is needed to have a strong woman to perform it.

These are pictures of her music video. If we pay attention to her eyes, she looks a little absent. Looks like the song didn’t catch her. She is singing it but she doesn’t feel it like her song, or there is no sense of belonging between her and the lyrics.

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In the meantime, between the video filming and the promotions, something changed. There was a revolution on her feelings and she had to reorganize her thoughts. We don’t know exactly what happened on her mind… maybe it was the contact with her fans, maybe it was the sense of fulfillment, maybe it was comparing herself with other women… but there was a gradual change where her self-esteem increased so much, she felt reassured, she got strength and at the end she felt related to the song.

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A Letter

Posted in PARA PENSAR on June 10, 2017 by Un Espejo Para Mi Alma

This is a personal letter. This is not for everybody. This is for a specific person. This letter is different just by the reason it is written for a woman. Sadly I don’t have a way to make it reach that person in a way I can assure the letter will arrive unedited. It would be great if somebody can make a proper translation and fix my English mistakes, so the message can reach as correct as possible.

I’ve been thinking that you and I have never clearly stated the situation between us and it may lead to misunderstandings. Maybe you think that I have bad feelings towards you or a negative attitude. That’s something very important I want to explain. First of all I want to say that I come in peace. I have nothing against you because at the end I understand your difficult situation and it is something I can’t judge. I am aware that you do everything because of love and when there is love involved we all became a little kamikaze. Maybe people think exactly the same about me when they see me taking care of others… So I don’t have the right to judge you.

I don’t know how much you know about me but I would summarize my position as a feminist who fights for an equalitarian treatment between living beings. It is my fight in life, my reason to live. It means that I fight for creating a safe environment where people won’t be mistreated because of their sex, sexual orientation, race, social position, age etc. I am aware you are lesbian and I please don’t think that it would create any negative feeling towards you. It is the very opposite. I admire the courage and huge amount of love that you have to say it openly, without any fear to the reprisals. I am aware that lesbian relationships are more intense, more complicated, deeper and stronger. Actually statistics in my country say that a couple between gay men has an average duration of 1 year, a heterosexual couple 3 years and a lesbian couple 10 years. It is simply because we, women, we are protective like mothers and tend to take care more of our partners. It is what I see in you: Your tirelessly effort to take care of your partner, to protect her from the effect of her own actions.

I’ve paid close attention to you and since ever I saw the way you protect your partner, no matter what effect would that have on you. Looks like it is that kind of love like “I will be a human shield for you”. Maybe that’s how I created that empathy with you. I also know how it feels when you love someone and you take care of that person, you are there, supporting, helping, sacrificing yourself, in the good and bad times, and then you realize that this person doesn’t give a sh** about what happens to you.

“Why would I worry about somebody who wouldn’t mind to feed me to the dogs?” One thing is to say it and another thing is to do it. We, as women, fall on that cycle very easily. We are taught that we must protect, take care, to forgive again and again, that love is directly related to be a martyr. We are taught that love is like that… but it is not. I shouldn’t be like that. Love shouldn’t hurt. If it hurts, then it is not love, it is a sick relationship. Sometimes we think that if we give more, everything will get fixed, when actually the relationship must remain in a 50% and 50%. There shouldn’t be sacrificed people in the name of other’s welfare.

As far as I created this empathy with you, and that I just realized that there are many things that are right in front of us but we don’t see it until somebody else point them out, I will do some kind of group therapy called “The showdown” or “The loving confrontation”. It is time to be face to face and say everything clearly. Sometimes we need somebody to slap us strong enough to wake up. It is not with bad intentions. It is not to enjoy other’s pain. It is to wake up, to stop avoiding the delicate topics, to face reality and to ask ourselves if we feel happy, safe and loved. This is a “sorry-not-sorry” situation. I don’t want to hurt you, but I may need to, so you wake up and analyze if your situation is right or not. We all are going through this process. It is part of the “emotion revolution”. It can’t be done sweetly and softly. It has to be a tough process, because when we are in our comfort zone we don’t evolve. This is the process: Shock, crisis, analyze emotions, organize our own ideas, take action.

This is the moment to compare what we expect and what we have. Expectation vs. Reality.

To make it clear that this is a non-manipulated situation, I will make it public, where everybody can contribute with their own ideas and opinions. That’s why it is called a “Confrontation” but it must remain in a loving way. People around you, who love you and want your welfare, will tell you all the things that they see and think are wrong so you can fix them. It must be in a loving healthy way, with constructive criticism and not destructive. Nothing to destroy other’s self-esteem.

Anyway, you have your free will. Feel free to ask whoever you want or to avoid other’s comments, to think everything by yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Why you? Because in this whole land where are we all involved, there are only 4 women with a deep and real mental illness. The one in a worst situation is the girl who cooks with hair on the food. She has been sick since very young and learned how to hide it. The second one is her little sister. She is not as sick but her mental health is degenerating really fast, I mean, just look at how much her mind degenerated in a year or 2. You wouldn’t believe that it is the same person. The third one is sick due to her environment and background. Power and money without love caused a mental break down on her.

And the forth one… is your partner. And I am giving you a real warning to be ready for the worst. I know you love her, I know that bad news about her causes you suffering, but it is the truth. Her mind is not stable and she tends to do things that are a risk for her and for her surroundings. She has self-destructive impulses. I’ve been giving small remarks, expecting you to understand, but it may not be enough and her mind is degenerating fast… and especially because I see the huge amount of love you have for her, I don’t want you to be blind until there is a bad surprise. I am especially aware of how difficult would be for you to find her in such situation. The difference between your partner and the other 3 sick people is that they don’t have somebody like you on their side. That’s why there is nothing to do with them.

As far as her sickness is in such deep level, she needs very intensive treatment. I want to focus on you. You are the closest person to her, you are in a bigger danger, especially because love makes you to lower any defense or protection towards her. You see her every day, you are exposed to her mental illness all the time and you won’t notice if she is getting you sick too.

When a person reaches such level of mental illness people around gets sick of several things. If her reality is distorted and she talks to you often, she will get her ideas into your mind and will distort your reality. If she has self-destructive impulses, she will be destructive towards you or will turn you into a self-destructive person too. There are several kinds of self-destructive people and she is the kind that reacts by impulses, so you don’t have to wait for a long depression or bad signals. That’s why it is so urgent to treat her. You are free to check her out with as many specialists as you want. Look for a second opinion from a doctor. Do whatever you want, but please take action with her. You can’t just keep going on like if nothing happens because you know that her behavior is not normal and you can’t hide it forever. You can’t face the effect of her actions forever. You can’t be always by her side making sure that she is not getting herself into risk. You can’t take care of her by yourself, you need help to help her. Professional help is never bad.

When somebody is too close to an insane person, they get a mental disorder called “stubbornness”. It means to be blindfolded towards the situation or not wanting to take action due to fear of the future. The sick person is not fully aware of what happens, of how bad the situation is, but people around who notice everything more clearly, decide to not see it, decide to fake like everything is ok, decide to not think about it and expect that the illness will spontaneously go away. It is an attitude of “If I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist”. Mental illness keeps growing up and ignoring it will just feed it.

You are blind in many aspects. I don’t know if you are aware of that. So, this is the first step of the confrontation. I will tell you what I see and then you analyze it. I can’t lie to you, because you know what you feel and I am sure there are many situations that nobody knows. So this is the slap in your face to wake up:

There are many kinds of lesbians. There is who is born being lesbian and who turns into lesbian. I’ve seen her and she wasn’t born lesbian. She likes men. A lot. She falls in love, she flirts, she feels attraction… But men are selfish, sexist and have their own issues. Men betray, men don’t take care of her, hurt her. Relationships with men fail so easily. She feels unloved, lost, alone and suddenly she finds a woman who loves her, who takes care of her, who stays on her side no matter what and who fulfills all her emotional needs… obviously she thinks she is lesbian. It can happen to anybody. If there is emptiness since her childhood, if mom failed to fulfill certain needs, if there are certain resentments against dad, if she tries having a relationship with men, again and again and men just if they mistreat her, especially if they use her as sex toy, men turn into disgusting beings. You are a shelter for her. You are that safe place where she feels loved for who she is and not seen as a sex doll to use a throw away. The problem is that she sells herself as a sex toy. She doesn’t know how to approach to men in a different way. She doesn’t see herself as something valuable therefore she sells herself as a cheap object. You may see her as the most valuable person in the world, and even say it to her, but if she doesn’t believe it, she won’t behave like that. She approaches as a sex toy and then expects to be treated as a lady. When it doesn’t happen she feels failed, she has self-destructive impulses, she feels that nobody loves her and then… you are there loving her and healing those wounds. She gets strong again, but then she still wants a man. She doesn’t say “Oh, men are bad. I will stay with this woman who loves me and treats me well”. No. She looks for another man.

She keeps dreaming that she will get married. This is another issue. She was raised with all those so harmful “Princess’ dreams”. She dreams to get married and have a white dress, a wedding cake, a party, a honeymoon where she can show off to everybody… and it is something that you can’t give to her. At least not in your country, not in your culture… I mean, in other countries you would get married and adopt children, but that’s a whole different story.

Why is she hurting the people around her so much? Because she is jumping from here to there, trying out several things, but she still doesn’t know what she is, what she likes, what she wants in the future and even if she knows it.. she doesn’t know how to get it. So, this is the first question. Is she with you because she loves you or because she can’t get something else? I mean, something that fits with her expectations. Do her expectations match her reality?

You need to think about this with a cool head. If what she has doesn’t match with what she wants, she will be frustrated. If she is frustrated she will blame others and be aggressive towards her surroundings, especially towards you. Does she enjoy your company? Does she look for your caresses? Does she love you every day or only after a crisis? Does she loves you so much one day and the next day she feels sick of you? Who kisses who? Who looks for whom? If you try to kiss her, what is her reaction? She may feel happy, sad, she may feel passion, she may reject you and even feel it as disgusting. Does she push you away? Does she kiss you sweetly? Does she hug you like if she is looking for protection? Do you feel her like a little girl? In the relationship, do you behave like 2 women or there are male/female roles?

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There are many situations that have nothing to do with you, but will affect the way she is with you.  What are the characteristics that she sees as masculine and feminine? What is her relationship with her father? What is the story of her first love? How was her first sexual experience? Does she really still believes in love or just sees love and sex as a tool to get benefits? Does she still believe in others? Can she really trust?

Being lesbian doesn’t mean that she is feminist, there are women who don’t believe in women’s strength still think that men are stronger, therefore they think that being a woman means to be submissive and punished and if becoming lesbian is like becoming almost a man who can be strong and take their own decisions. This is a dangerous attitude because the victim can turn into torturer and innocent people will suffer it. It can be a reason of why, despite she has a good relationship with you, she still looks for a man. Even if you fulfill all her needs, she may think that there is something missing, when actually there is nothing missing, it is just a personal issue.

It is known that lesbians have better relationships in general, in the affective side as much as the sexual side, but many of them still break up because of the environment. Knowing that it is something rejected by the society, the religion, the social pressure, the worrying of what would the family think etc. creates a huge stress. A person who is sure of her feelings will fight against it bravely, but if the person has doubts will try to remain on the comfortable side.

I won’t talk about cheatings or having several partners, because we know nothing about your agreement as couple. You may be on a free polyamorous relationship, under a common agreement, where both are free to have several sexual partners but still they are a couple who loves and takes care of each other. We can’t point out something as a cheating or not if we don’t know the personal agreement or there was a temporary break up or whatever.

Completely apart from her sexual orientation or behavior… How do you feel? Are you happy? Do you need anything? Is there anything you want to talk about? Does the reality match with your expectative? Are you satisfied with the relationship? Do you receive as much as you give? How do you see the relationship in a long term? Is your relationship affecting your job or other areas in your life? Do you feel loved, respected and appreciated?

And this is very important because it is clear that you are willing to sacrifice yourself in her name. You will try to save her no matter what. It is a huge proof of love but… Does she notice it? Does she appreciate it? Is she willing to do the same for you? You feel worried every time she gets into troubles but… is she trying to avoid problems for you? I am wondering if before taking any step she thinks about the affect it would have on you, if she may hurt you, get you into troubles, worry you.

Let’s make a list of priorities. If you make a top5 of your priorities in life, where is she? If she makes a list, where are you? Does her behavior match with that list? How important are you in her life? How important is she in your life? What would happen to each other if you were not together? If her actions had no effect in your life.

Has she ever wondered if you are getting tired of taking care of her like if she was a little immature girl? She may think that there is no reason to become responsible for her actions because you are always there to fix her problems, so she can keep going on and on and getting into bigger problems because she is so sure that you will always be there. It is clear that she takes you for granted and she knows that she can go away, do a mess and comeback and you will always be there, begging to her and willing to fix the mess. Couples should be equalitarian. Are you able to leave, make a mess and she will fix it for you?

As I said before, she has self-destructive impulses. It creates a desire for experiencing risky things. She enjoys putting herself on risk. She provokes those situations and she wants more every time. There are 2 kinds of people, the ones who enjoy rollercoasters and the ones who will never ride one. If you think about it logically, who would enjoy feeling something similar to death? But still there are lots of people who enjoy it. That kind of people looks for other “exciting” things to do. Remember that adrenaline is an addicting substance and the body wants more and more often every time.

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Having someone for granted is not exciting, is boring and can even turn into a responsibility, that’s why people say that marriage is boring and love affairs are exciting. If you are on a diet and only eat chicken breast every day and you are told that you are forced to only eat that every single day, you will want to eat a chocolate cake even if you know it is not good for your health. That’s the same situation. When you assume that something will always be there, it can easily change from a privilege to a responsibility and then turn into tiring and annoying. But if you know that at the first mistake your partner will simply break up with you without dramas and you know he is not giving you a second chance… you behave well for sure.

Usually, we don’t want to see when our partner is already tired of us. It is very hard to definitely finish a relationship, especially if it is very long. Sometimes people instead of saying clearly “This is over” they do things to make you run away, so you are the one who takes the first step to break up, so they don’t feel bad after that. If you don’t get the message you may turn into a sticky person. Have you heard the saying “Sticky like a bubblegum under the shoe. The more I step on her, the more she sticks to me”. Of course nobody wants to be under that situation, so we shouldn’t blindfold ourselves and constantly analyze how our partner is feeling about the relationship.

How can we know it? Let’s suppose that I am tired of my partner… it means that I am not seeing her abilities or I minimize them while I maximize her flaws. Therefore she will turn into an annoying person. It will be so bothering to spend time with her. Even if there is a fun situation, I would prefer to do it with somebody else or alone. It will be even worse if the person tries to kiss me, hug me or gets too close. I can feel that she is not respecting my personal space. I will feel suffocated. I will feel that she needs to do more and more things to keep me on her side because she doesn’t deserve me. I will point out her flaws without thinking about hurting her (because there is a difference between destructive and constructive criticism). I will compare her to others. I will think that I will be better with somebody else.

If she would define you with one word, what would she say? How would you define her? Does her behavior match with what she said?

Anyway, as far as we are talking about a sick person, we can’t expect a logical behavior. When we face a person like this, we have options. You can stay with her and try to help her as much as possible, but being aware that her mind is too degenerated. She has crossed the line to insanity too much and we don’t know how much it is possible to save from her mind. The crazy laughs, the hyperactive behavior and the level of her obsessions are too bad signals. I say it again, you should be ready and always expect the worst. She is not gonna change, she will not be completely healthy never, she can’t even get better… the more we can expect is to stop her mind from degenerating so fast.

See it as a person with cancer on a terminal stage. You can try to get some treatment or you can just let things flow and whatever has to happen, let it happen. Get used to keep living the same way you have been living the past months, maybe things will remain the same, maybe they will get worst. Just remain aware that she can get you sick too. Maybe you need to reset your priorities and check what is more valuable… yourself or her… What can be still saved and what cannot.

You can run away and let her to face the effect of her own actions. Maybe you will remain with a bad taste of being selfish and regret that you abandoned her in the name of saving yourself. It depends on how much you have done to each other. Your heart will tell you if she deserves to have you on her side or if she doesn’t deserve you. Anyway, we don’t know how much time will you be able to bear the responsibility of taking care of a sick person, but you always have the “abort mission” bottom available.

Anyway, just remember that love doesn’t hurt. If it hurts, then it is not love, it is a sick relationship. Nobody deserves to be mistreated under any circumstance. We can easily fall on the violence circle:

Honeymoon: Where everything is beautiful.

Stress stage: The person is getting tired of her lover and feels trapped. Small actions of disgust and rejection towards the lover.

Violent act: When the person explodes against her lover

Regret: The person feels bad for being ungrateful, asks for forgiveness. There is self-punishment and self-humiliation. Promises of change and “It will never happen again. I didn’t see your real value”.

Honeymoon: The person is even sweeter to compensate the mistreats and humiliations towards her lover

Stress again and the cycle starts again. Every time the honeymoon and regret stages are shorter and the violence stages are more violent. For example, if the person asks for forgiveness and the lover is already too hurt or doesn’t forgive, instead of a honeymoon, there will be another violent action like emotional blackmail or threatening. It is like “I will punish you for not obeying me. What does hurt you the most?”

Always expect the worst. That’s why it is very important to have the help of a professional doctor. Do some research, ask for the professional’s opinion, gather as much information as possible and then look for possible solutions for your problem, but you can’t just keep acting like nothing happens. Right now you are a tight rope walker, you can do it blindfolded or not.

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Ancient American cultures

Posted in PARA PENSAR on March 16, 2017 by Un Espejo Para Mi Alma

How to identify the main ancient American cultures?

The 3 main ancient cultures in America are the Aztec, Mayan and Inca. This is a brief description of some of the main cultures we can find in America:

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In the northern area of America, currently known as Canada and USA, were several indigenous civilizations, with semi-nomadic population, divided into small tribes. Their main characteristic was their pacifist personality.

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They had a huge wisdom and were aware that the world works well only when there is a balance.

Most civilizations divide living beings by a hierarchy. Seeing it as a pyramid: On the base of the pyramid and with a lesser importance, there are the plants, then there are the animals and on the top is the human being (or sometimes a god), and this is who has most importance and privileges over the rest of the creatures. North American aboriginals didn’t see the world that way. They said we live in a net with the shape of a cobweb, where we all depend from each other, we are all connected and nobody can be superior to the others. We must take care of each other because if one of those elements is missing, the cobweb gets broken, the balance is lost and it will unleash a great chaos that will affect every single living being.

Also in North America, in the center of Mexico, there was the Aztec civilization. Also known as “Mexica” (Meshica), that led to the actual name of Mexico. Aztecs amazed everybody by creating one of the biggest cities in the world on a lake. When Spanish conquerors arrived for the first time they sent the message to Spain: “It is like Venice, but much bigger”.

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Aztecs learned to build, live and sow over the lake. They had complex irrigation system that includes canals and they even learned to turn salty water into drinkable water.

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Aztecs are also famous for being a race of innate warriors. They were really brave and even sadists. They were vicious conquerors. They used to enslave every tribe they found on their way. That way they managed to have one of the biggest and most powerful empires in the history of humanity. Neighbors traditionally feared and hated them.

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When the Spanish conquerors arrived to Mexico, they created an alliance with all those smaller civilizations that had the hope of ending the Aztec tyranny. Even now, and after centuries of these aboriginals mixing up with other races, and despite it is impossible to find a “pure race” at present… even now, people from the rest of Mexico or descendants from other ethnicities, still think that people from the center of Mexico (including the capital Mexico city), are much more dangerous, aggressive and insensitive. Aztec descendants are known for having an inner courage to defend themselves more than anyone else, they will never allow others to mistreat, use or humiliate them.

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[Brief parenthesis: I am aware that we all must constantly work against racism and prejudices, but sometimes we can’t avoid having that kind of thoughts. We used to live in a house that had a garden, with a metallic gate. On the next house, a family from Mexico City arrived and opened a small fruit shop. The first problem was that they put boxes with vegetables over the whole sidewalk and it was impossible to walk there, but then they kept using more and more space and used to leave lots of garbage on the street. Suddenly we noticed that they used our house’s gate to tie up their signs and even they hanged pineapples from our door. That’s how much they extended their shop over the street. My mom went to the store trying to talk to the owner, and suddenly the owner came out with a machete on his hands, yelling so angrily and threatening my mom. It was a real problem. My mom went to another neighbor who was a policeman, asking for protection and the policeman said: “I can’t do anything. They use to park their trailer in front of our store, covering it completely, clients can’t see us. I went to him asking to move away his trailer and he said exactly the same. He threatened me and my family, and he knows I am a policeman!”

For us, who are from other areas of Mexico, it is very frightening to go to Mexico City. I can tell you for sure that I feel safer traveling to another country than traveling to Mexico City. People try to avoid going to that area, unless it is totally necessary. If somebody from Mexico City arrives to your neighborhood, you will notice it immediately. They say that we, people from the province, are clearly more innocent and naïve than them, and they are right.]

 

Also in the center of Mexico, but on the coast side of the Gulf of Mexico, we can find a very ancient civilization, older than the Aztec. It is called “Olmec”. Scientists believe that it was the first great civilization on the area and there was the origin of the Aztecs and Mayans.

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Olmec people had a deep love for knowledge, they loved to study and learn on any possible area, going from botanic, mathematics, astronomy, etc. They created one of the first calendars in the world and the explicit use of the number zero in mathematics.

Olmec people loved to write. It was the first American civilization to develop a writing system. Scientists have found inscriptions made before the year 900 before Christ. From that point they wrote absolutely everything that happened. They used write a lot, but abstractly, using lots of symbolisms. In the present days it is really hard to decode those writings, especially the ones related to theology.

That culture was pacifist, mainly focused on studying and sharing that knowledge. One of the main symbols of the culture is the giant sculptures of their governor’s faces sculpted on a single, huge rock. The weird fact about those giant heads is that their facial features are similar to the ones found in black people, when there are no signs of black people arriving to the area until centuries later.

[Note: I come from that area and still now, my hometown is known as “The American Athena” because there are very good schools and people is known for loving knowledge, culture and especially the performing arts].

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In the south-east side of Mexico, we can find the Mayan civilization. In the present it is said, half joking, half seriously, that they are the “aliens” or the ones who were in touch with aliens and that’s how they got all the technology to have such achievements and scientific and technological advancement, completely out of the blue (apparently).

Mayans are different to the rest of American aboriginals. They are much shorter; they have very big heads and huge, almond-shaped eyes. Just like an alien. Their aboriginal language is very difficult and completely different to any other language found in America or Europe. They have an unexplainable knowledge of the space and its movements, especially because they didn’t have any optical instrument like telescopes.

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They appeared in a mysterious way, created huge cities-states very similar to the Roman Empire, with a special political system, unknown in America. Their empire extended around all Central America and suddenly they disappeared in a mysterious way, leaving abandoned cities. Scientists still can’t understand how such huge civilization just disappeared without signals of collapsing, having war, natural disasters or epidemics.

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How is it possible that a civilization, which wasn’t able to develop the wheel, was able to create a calendar with a margin of error of 1 day every [I don’t remember how many] thousands of years and were able to calculate the year in Venus with an error of only 2 hours without having a telescope?

In South America, there is the Inca culture, also known as Quechua. It was one of the biggest empires before the Spanish colony in America. That empire had the territory of the actual Peru, Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, and Ecuador.

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They had a very strict political and military organization. Everything was under the government’s supervision. They had a wide network of communication routes that included bridges, well-tended paths, and storages around all the roads where royal travelers could rest and keep all kinds of goods. They also had a complex system of “mail” or messenger service. It was formed by a group of young men, who used to run from their post to the post of the next messenger. That way, as a relay race, messages could reach their destination really fast.

The empire, which settled over the Andes Mountains, had a natural protection against invaders, but still they build huge fortresses making their main cities almost impenetrable. Due to these fortifications, the Inca Empire was the last one to be conquered by the Spanish soldiers in all America.

Also it is very difficult to recover the information about their technology. Nowadays researchers don’t know yet the secret of the “melted” giant rocks used to build the fortresses. There are only legends about some kind of “aliens” who gave natives a special “powder” that made rocks moldable like play dough for a certain time, but there is no scientific information about the construction of the walls. The rocks are huge and fit perfectly to each other. It would be really difficult to build even with the actual technology.

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More pictures here

The most important fact of this culture was their agricultural research and all their advances. There was very little land with a proper soil to sow, little water and hostile climate. They thought about new styles of sowing that would help to create more productive soil, to store water and to avoid the erosion of hillsides and slopes. They created irrigation systems with aqueducts and channels.

They even had research centers where they made experiments to obtain better products. They researched about all kinds of vegetables, as an example, they worked with more than 200 types of potatoes. They also simulated more than 20 micro-climates in a single research center and they easily created artificial lakes.

They also researched on different areas and had such scientific developments that they were able to do successful brain surgeries, in a time that was unimaginable in Europe. It was the only culture in the world that could eradicate hunger. The cities were build thinking on a long term. The way streets were build allowed an organized future growing of the cities.

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Stars in the darkness

Posted in MIS ESCRITOS on March 13, 2017 by Un Espejo Para Mi Alma

Why do you feel alone even if you are surrounded by many people?

I know you are very busy, you have too much work to do, but this is something very important. Maybe you are avoiding the topic, but some day you will be alone with your own thoughts. I don’t want you to feel sad or lonely when it happens. I want you to remember that I wrote this for you.

Look for a moment of introspection, without criticizing yourself, without being hurtful to yourself. Don’t criticize yourself. Listen to what your heart is asking for. Spend a moment alone. Meditate. Listen to that inner voice that says “Get out of this situation. Run away. This is consuming you”. Don’t you hear that voice? Haven’t you see those tearful eye in the mirror saying “No more, please. Why are you allowing this to happen?” Do not blindfold yourself. You know that you have to make a change in your life.

How is it possible that a so beloved person feels alone? Remember this:

“I wish I could be by your side forever and take care of you. I wish I could protect you from all the evil in this world. I wish there is never a tear in your eyes”.

02

My heart hurts just to think about tears in your eyes but… what can I do? I can do nothing about it. I can take care of myself (or at least try to do it), but you have to take care of yourself. Only you can defend yourself and make a respect. I can see when others are disrespectful towards you. I wish I could be there and one by one make them to tell you how important you are in their lives, to show you the influence you have had in their lives and how grateful they are towards you. I see that you take care of them, but by now, they see your care as a routine, it is normal and they even consider it as part of your job. They forgot that it is not your duty. It is a gift that you give to them, your way to show them love. It makes me feel angry, frustrated and desperate.

I tell to myself again and again: “Why can’t I do anything about this? I must be able to do something…”

But I can’t and I shouldn’t. This is a battle you must face by yourself. I know you can hear a thousand “I love you”, “You are important”, “You are perfect”, but if those are not sincere words or you don’t believe it, it will be useless.

There are so many things I want to tell you that don’t want to make you feel burdened. I’ve spent days trying to find the right way… How can I tell you about making a respect to your boundaries without getting hurting your privacy myself?

I use statistics as a guide in my life, and today I’ve realized that I was part of the statistics: “When a person sees somebody else suffering mistreats… a child, a worker, a member of a couple or family… it takes approximately 3 months of seeing the situation before having the courage to take actions and help…”

I saw it before and I’ve been avoiding the topic until today… Now I am wondering: “What happened on this couple of months? Is there something that I could’ve prevented?

Since ever I’ve said that I feel a deep love for you but today I realized that I haven’t showed you that love properly. Now I am worried about the time. How long have you been under this situation? How much time will pass? This is a race against the clock. Imagine a sand timer… how much sand is left?

I wish I could be sitting by your side right now and know what is exactly what you need. I wish I could spend the whole night talking about this with you saying “Everything will be fine, I am here to support you”. I wish I could hug you if you need it or be a human shield for you if you are on danger. I wish I could sit you in front of a mirror and make you see the wonderful human being I see… the one we see. I wish I could give you all the tools in the world so you can heal your wounds and fortify your soul.

03

 

My sweet baby, I wish you could see how you are an oasis in the middle of this desert of cruelty. You are a precious gem. Your soul is so beautiful that I was amazed when I found you. It is hard to process the fact that a person like you really exists. If you could just see it…

“He is so perfect that I think he is a robot… then I see his heart and I realize he is the most human between humans”.

Sometimes I wonder: “How is it possible that a person can’t see your value? How is it possible that they forget it? How is it possible that they don’t have you on the throne you deserve? Why they are doing nothing to help you???

… No… It is not their job… it is your job. You are the one who has to make a respect, to get your right place, to make others to value you. If somebody can’t see your real value, you make them to realize it. To shine, the first step is to get out of your hiding place. Stand in front of others and show them who you are proudly. Do not allow anybody to tell you the opposite. This is a battle that you must fight by yourself.

If somebody doesn’t respect you, you make that respect. If somebody humiliates you, do not lower your head. If somebody doesn’t value you, go to the place where you are valued.

It doesn’t mean to become a bad person. It doesn’t mean being selfish or hurting others. It means to love yourself and taking care of yourself. Do not allow others to cross the line and hurt you. Listen carefully. Nothing justifies mistreats. Nobody is more or less than the others. Nobody can put your head on the ground, put their foot on your head and keep you there.  It shouldn’t be allowed under any circumstance.

Love is not a reason to allow others to mistreat you. If it hurts then it is not love. It doesn’t mean if it is a partner, parents, family or beloved people. Nobody has the right to hurt you, to humiliate, to blackmail or force you to do what you don’t want to. Please listen to this. Love yourself, take care of yourself.

You are not alone, but you must be ready to be alone. Dependency just opens the doors of mistreatments. If somebody doesn’t value you, they don’t deserve you… But it must be you who has the strength to get that person away.

I understand you want to help, to support and take care of others but… who is taking care of you? Who is supporting you? How much are you giving and how much are you receiving?  How do you want others to treat you?

I am talking about small things, the simple daily actions that at the end are the most important. I am wondering if there is somebody by your side saying “Are you tired? Do you need help? I will finish the work for you, so you can rest. I appreciate what you do. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for loving me. Being by your side heals me. I know how much you work taking care of me”.

You are much loved but sometimes people don’t know how to express their feelings. Remember that everybody is fighting their own battles and all the bad experiences atrophy our abilities to love, little by little. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, but sometimes they don’t know how to love or how to show it. You know how to do it. Teach them how to love properly.

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You have 2 options:

The first option is to run away from everything that hurts you. If somebody hurts you, if they are more harmful that a benefit, run away. Personality is formed in the first 7 years of life. After that time, people can’t change their essence. Who is a spoiled brat will always be, who is sexist, who throws tantrums, who can’t control their bad temper, who is selfish… they will always be.

Saying “This person will change. It is the last time he/she hurts me” is a self-delusion. People can’t change their essence. Remember the cycle of violence: It starts with the honeymoon, where everything is beautiful. Little by little stress starts growing in the relationship and there are small aggressions that keep growing up slowly. There is the violent action, after that there is the reconciliation, the guilt, the remorse, the “I promise I will change. It will never happen again”. Then there is a honeymoon again, where everything is even more beautiful than the usual, until there is another violent action.

It doesn’t mean that the other person is mean or that doesn’t love you. It doesn’t even mean that the person is lying to you. Violent people or with addiction problems really want to change, they know they are hurting themselves, but they just can’t. It has nothing to do with you. They just can’t change.

The second option is to stay and fight, but with new rules. First, you have to work so much of getting stronger. Before going back to the game you must be stronger than ever. Maybe you want to play the game again, on a fairer situation. Maybe you need to run against the same wall again to confirm what you already know: that people doesn’t change. But if you want to go through all of this again, you must do it being strong. I am not telling you to be abusive, it must be fair because it doesn’t happen because they are mean, it is just that there is something broken, something that is not working properly.

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The problem is the power. We are not perfect and as soon as we have power our first reaction is to abuse of that power. We all have suffered any kind of mistreats from others and we are waiting for the opportunity to be strong and be over the rest, but it is not good.

That’s why it is important to not allow a single mistreat more, from anybody. It doesn’t matter how small the mistreating is, do not allow it. Even if somebody forgets to say “Please” or “thank you” or they say things as a command more than as a favor… those little details are the ones who make the biggest difference at the end.

Keep an equalitarian treatment if you want them to treat you the same way. Remember that we are not perfect and age doesn’t mean wisdom, love is not always expressed on the right way… money, work positions, or the power a person has is not a reason to abuse others. Nobody is the owner anybody. Everybody has their flaws to not be superior and its abilities to not be inferior. We are all different, but have the same value. Don’t forget that.

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You are the base of that home. You are the main motor that moves the rest of the machine. If you manage to make the most drastic change, the rest will change too. Once you find the balance inside of you, you can get harmony in the whole family.

Do not overprotect them, you are hurting them. Remember those parents who allow their children to misbehave and then the children are problematic and suffer because of that. When you are over protecting you are also hurting them, you are not doing something good for them. Allow them to be responsible, to behave according to their age. Over protection is also a kind of violence. It is called violence through nullification. It means that mistreatment is mutual. Do not be afraid. Even if you let them free they will remain here. They won’t go away. They will love you and you will be important for them even after that, but then they will be better people. Let them to be self-sufficient.

Allowing mistreats is not good for you nor for them. Since we are born, since the first moment we meet somebody, there must be clear boundaries. It doesn’t matter who is in front of you, both have the same value. It doesn’t matter the age. If an 8 years old child pushes you, don’t say “He is a child, he is immature, he is that way”. Don’t say “He has a bad temper. He is that way with everybody, it is normal”. It is not right. You must stop it immediately with assertiveness. Do not threaten him with “if you do it again”. Do not give them the chance to do it again. Stop it with assertiveness and strength. Do not allow the misbehavior. It is not good for them or for you.

What will happen to that child when he grows up? He will think that it is right to push others or something worse. Who will he push later? His mother? His partner? His children? He will do it to whoever allows it. If you allow it, you are just creating a spoiled person who throws tantrums. If the child develops a horrible personality, difficult to bear, he will get into troubles for the rest of his life. We don’t want him to be alone at the end. Who else would bear his violent personality? You can’t promise that you will stay beside him forever, bearing for the rest of the life.

 

Sometimes being tough is healthier than being soft. I am not telling you to become a bad person; it is just that I don’t want you to be consumed by the environment. I don’t want you to bear all of this by yourself. Maybe you can bear it now but… for how long? Don’t take other’s responsibilities like if they were yours. Everybody is responsible of their own temper and actions/reactions.

Sometimes people sees “kind” as “weak” or “easy to manipulate”. Don’t be somebody else’s tool. Do not allow others to use you. You have spent a whole life polishing yourself, now you are a diamond. You are a finished piece of art. Don’t allow others to ruin it.

Keep your feet on the ground and don’t allow others to make lose your spot. Remember the cycle of violence. The harder is the hit, the bigger the gift given the next morning. That’s why it is so difficult to get out of the cycle. During a bad moment, it is easy to say “This is the last time” but then there is the loneliness and sadness… missing the good times…. You can even find new partners who are not violent but it also means that there is no honeymoon. Then there is a stronger feeling of missing that person. Little by little the desire of going back is growing up and we minimize the damage received. A nonviolent person won’t be as sweet but also won’t be as bitter as a violent one. It is the problem: becoming addicted to that sweetness. We can become addicted to a person and the hard part is to get away from that addiction. To get out of that addiction it is necessary to have a period of detoxification first.

A healthy mind is a balanced one. Any extreme feeling is a bad signal. Hyperactivity and excitement, even if it looks like happiness is bad. It is like riding a roller coaster, with outbursts of laughter and believing that we are happy even if our body is feeling like dying.

On the other hand, extremely cold people have a problem too. Who doesn’t show feelings, positive or negative, uses another kind of violence: Indifference. When somebody doesn’t get angry, is not happy, doesn’t listen, doesn’t miss… basically is not loving.

This is the real challenge: Learning to face explosive people and the ones dead inside. That’s why you must fortify your spirit, to be able to face all kind of situations.

Why are there people with extreme feelings while others aren’t? Sometimes people leave their feelings on a “wild state”. They get angry at anything, any small detail, the most insignificant thing and react with rage. We know that it is not good. A person who is always angry is not healthy. It is something that must be immediately fixed. A person who is always sad is not healthy either.

How often are there sadness feelings? How often are there tears? How often the mirror shows a destroyed person with a wounded soul? Putting on a mask of makeup and a fake smile doesn’t fix the problem. That’s why there is no valid reason to bear mistreatments.

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Nobody is alone in this world, but we also have to embrace loneliness to not depend on others. It is better to be alone and peaceful than having the company of destructive people… but please, do not get away from a violent person to run towards another violent person. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to the personality of people around you. Who is your company? What are the real feelings of the person you are seeking for comfort? Is that shelter a real safe place?

Once a person is used to mistreatments, even if they get away from that bad relationship, they tend to look for another torturer. It can be a friend, a mate, a boss, whoever. We look for the kind of mistreatment we received at home when being a child.

That’s why you must get stronger, to get rid of fears and dependency. Get a stronger soul and self-esteem. Be confident about yourself. Be assertive. Spend some time alone and learn to be alone without hurting yourself. Once you don’t need anybody, you can be with whoever you want just because of love. Also, that person will know that you are with them because of love and not because of need. That way the other one will also feel even more loved.

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Remember that you are the base of that family. If you break down, the family breaks down. I am not saying it to stress you or make you feel even more pressure. I am saying this so you can realize how much you have done. You formed them. They are here right now because of your hard working. Without you, they wouldn’t be what they are right now. They are your biggest masterpiece. You have done so many and so big things, that maybe you haven’t noticed the real magnitude of your actions.

Don’t be so tough with yourself. You have worked so hard. You have given so much. This is the moment to ask, to receive. Just keep this in mind: If love hurts, then it is not love. Love must be shown all the time. If you are serving the table, the other person must say thank you in a sincere way, not just as a mere politeness. Cooking for others is a huge work, do not allow others to belittle your work. Everything you do has a huge value. Make others to respect the value of your actions. Demand with assertiveness, so others will respect your decisions. Make clear limits and boundaries and do not allow others to cross the line.

Nothing is a justification for mistreats. Do not allow any kind of mistreat: Not a yell, a hit, a pushing, a humiliation, a cheating, abandonment… Nothing justifies it. Love must help you to grow up, not to destroy you. Who loves you must reinforce your abilities, not to remark your flaws. If it hurts, it is not love.

When you are at home, you must feel happy and peaceful. If while being at home, you feel afraid, uncomfortable or there is a hostile environment, there is a problem. At this moment, living in a society doesn’t assure happiness, not even that our basic rights will be respected. The only thing we can make is to take the control of our lives and take care of ourselves.

You must work every day on your own happiness, integrity, and to make sure that everybody respects your rights and the ones of your beloved ones.

You need look for what will help you to do this. Please, listen to me about this. Look for information, look for help. There are exercises to get a stronger soul. Read Walter Riso’s books or something similar, so you can work on having a better assertiveness. This is the key word: Assertiveness. Do it for you.

My sweet baby, please take care of you. You are my oasis in the middle of the desert… a beautiful gem … Never forget that.

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The Bad Luck Member

Posted in Everyday situations on February 21, 2017 by Un Espejo Para Mi Alma

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I don’t believe in good or bad luck. I think everything is moved by different factors like your efforts, your unique skills and gifts, and a percentage of what happens to you depends on probability and the surprise factor…. People in general want to keep a realistic and logic mind, but there are things that are just inexplicable, it doesn’t matter how much you think about it, it is just unjustifiable.

We always planned small travels for weekends and usually they were successful. Everything turned out as planned. There was a family member who we cherish a lot but… How can we explain that every time he comes with us to the travels, everything goes wrong?

Those are not isolated situations. It happened since I was a baby. Every time he is involved into something, crazy things happen.

Example1: It is a hot summer. We decide to go the next day to the beach. We invite him. At 3 am strong wind starts to blow, then there is rain and beaches get closed.

Example2: On the way to the destination, a river overflows and blocks the street. We had meat and everything to make a BBQ… we look for a nice place to improvise a picnic… while we are roasting the meat, something in the BBQ explodes and goes directly to his eye.

Example3: Once, a beehive fell down and the bees followed all of us, but they only attacked him.

Example4: Once, we went to the beach, it was a really sunny day. We were enjoying the beach since very early. He knew we were there, wanted to meet us and arrived to the beach at noon. In less than an hour later, the day became cloudy, strong wind started to blow and it was horrible. You could feel the sand piercing your skin. We literally run from the water to the car. There was sand on the chicken we were cooking to eat.

Every time he was with us, the days ended with him at the hospital, or broken means of transport, it doesn’t matter if it was our, his or public.. or at least a ticket. Or we forgot him… We planned to pick up him and nobody did it… or we leave to come back home from the travel and we forgot him and we have to go back. Also there were situations like going to the restaurant and they bring everybody’s dishes but not his dish. I just want to say that by now he is 60+ years old and he is still single because bad things happen before he gets married… always.

The only explanation we can have about this person is that he has bad luck. Well, it is an extreme situation, but we can always find certain people that we just say “This is an unlucky person”.

We can find unlucky people in Kpop too.

The very first case I saw and I could say “He is very unlucky” was Super Junior’s Yesung.

Why would we say that Yesung has bad luck if it looks like he has many attributes? He was born on a first-world country. He has an excellent voice. He is amazingly handsome. He has a good family. He has the copyright of the “octopus dance”. He is very smart. Yeyeconda…

But when you look for him on Wikipedia, his page has a whole section about his accidents. If you look for him on Youtube, there are huge amounts of videos about his accidents and embarrassing moments.

As soon as he is discharged from the army, Super Junior gets into a hiatus…

If we want to find an explanation I would say that he has bad luck or the universe has method to keep the balance and keep the situation fair.

Next example: SHINee’s Taemin

I live under a permanent stress because of Taemin. I could write a whole book about everything that happens to Taemin. 90% of times Taemin receives a microphone, it doesn’t work… and if it works he will break it. At interviews, concerts or tv shows, something will always happen… the background panels fall down, there are earthquakes, they choose a random fan for a game it turns out to be a crazy girl on crack. He goes to eat and the chopsticks break down. At every award ceremony, at the exact moment he will receive the award the stream crashes and I don’t see him. They told me Taemin has abs but when he showed them the stream crashed again so I didn’t see it.

Talking about probability… How many chances are that a Korean word may sound the same as a funny word in Spanish? And it wasn’t just a single word; it was a whole logic sentence… because Taemin saying “I am a Dorito” it makes sense… somehow.

What Taemin did:

What we see:

How extreme is Taemin’s bad luck?

Taemin is really handsome, is very hot, very passionate. He has sexy lips with sweet eyes. He has a stylized body, which is very attractive for occidental girls, because he is slim with broad shoulders… he is obviously an Alien… He is funny, he is charismatic, he has a unique personality, he is a person that never makes you feel bored…. To define Taemin in a single word, he is very exotic.

Anyone would think that he is a girl’s killer and every single girl will surrender and fall for him.

But there is that urban legend about Taemin….

According to the legend, an American girl (very famous, 19 years old), came to Taemin and told him “Hi. I am a very famous Hollywood actress.” But actually she was a pornstar, famous for drinking soda cans and not by her mouth…. Obviously it is not a tragedy for a man… right?

The girl arrives to Korea, to surprise him, in the middle of his promotions. I don’t know what happened with her, because she was so enthusiastic that was even wearing “couple’s clothes”… but suddenly she sees Mamamoo and goes to party with them.

At the end I don’t know who has the worst luck, if Taemin or Eric Nam.

Next example: NCT’s Johnny.

I would think that the group’s visual is the one who gets more camera time… right? But you will never find a good close-up of Johnny. If at some point there is a close up, it will be blurry and by the moment the image gets clearer, the camera is already on somebody else.

When NCT goes to TV shows, the MCs instead of focusing on the group, they attack Johnny without mercy because he has no pool at his house. He lives in Iceland. Nobody has a pool on Iceland. He didn’t say “I live in Miami” he said, “I live in Iceland”.

Even the members said: “He wakes up at 7 am, makes coffee and wakes us up very softly. He is very nice”. But then the MCs start shooting at Johnny in many ways. The MC was practically saying that Johnny is lazy and he said “My father is 75 years old and wakes up at 5 am to work”. In the occidental culture it is really offensive. Not because of Johnny… It is a shame for a son to say that his father wakes up early in the morning to work… because the first goal of a son is that his parents stop working so they can rest, especially if it is said by a man of that age. At my home, my mom doesn’t work anymore. I am the one who works. On this side of the world, people say “My parents stopped working at the age of 60” and somebody else will say “I got them off work at the age of 50”. The success of a person is measured by how comfortable are their parents and children.

I’ve never seen a TV show where they treat Johnny well. Everywhere they are just saying “Hi” and the MCs are already shooting at him.

I don’t want to make this too long, so I will briefly talk about people I’ve seen with bad luck.

Junsu: Same situation as Johnny, at any tv show or event he goes, the MCs mistreat him, like when he had to sing without lights. Every time he has an event outdoors, there is rain. His chair broke down.

Bad luck is what happened to somebody who wanted to have a girlfriend for the first time and she was totally crazy.

One of the funniest situations is Taeyeon… She makes us laugh when weird things happen to her. When there was the topic of the girls who are addicted to masturbate, there was a remark that says that girls with this addiction have short nails, specifically the index and middle fingers. So, everybody was paying attention to the girl’s nails. There was a red carpet. As soon as she entered to the red carpet… one of her nails unglued and it almost fell down.

It was the worst moment for arriving to an event without a nail.

Many things like that happen to her. Like the fact that she has to sit down besides Taemin, who has the worst luck.. so every time the cameras pointed to them, the stream crashed and there are not close-ups to them. If it is not the case, she has so sit down beside her husband’s girlfriend. I still can’t understand how the topic about the collaboration of Taeyeon with Wiz Khalifa escalated so quickly. We have seen worst things here and there and it doesn’t become such huge scandal.

The most contradictory situation is EXO’s Chanyeol. The base of Chanyeol’s work is the word “lucky”. All the songs he writes, the concept of the shows, his jokes, his conversations… everything is based on his beliefs about good luck.. but actually he has bad luck.

Every time he seduces a girl, everybody says “He got the girl because of his money”. Nobody think that he can seduce a girl because he writes the songs? Maybe it is because he plays the guitar, because he is tall and handsome, because he is smart and can have interesting conversations, because he has a beautiful sweet side, because he is polite, because he is loyal, because he gets very passionate when there is music, and he is also very generous about his material goods…

The point is that he is also addicted to have accidents.

I think Jimin has bad luck but just a little bit, he can beat it if he keeps a good attitude.

Bad luck is that “Jacksooooooon” became “J-Hooooooooooope”.